Tag: Growth

The Invisible Things

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“It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” Antoine de Saint-Exupéry – The Little Prince

If the essential things are invisible, does that mean that the things that are visible are unimportant? Or less important? That’s a tough sell today.

If true, it puts a great deal of life into a clearer perspective. Much of how we live our lives and express ourselves, by this measure, would be deemed unimportant.

The key question is what, then, is important?

I keep coming back to people. Not those who see us but those we truly see. The ones we interact with on a daily basis, that we care about, that we feed in to, that we love and nurture and journey with.

Then it is the people that we have loose connections with, how we treat those who make our coffee, or serve us lunch, or those trying to park in the parking space next to us.

Then it is the wider world around us. The people we will never meet who are impacted by how we live, the animals that call this planet their home too, and the planet that sustains our life, both of which we are inter-connected to.

These are the important things, the invisible things, the generous things. How we relate to them and our attitude towards them cannot be seen because it comes from within each of us.

The rest of life, the external stuff that people do see, is unimportant in comparison.

The Fruit of Being Generous

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There are so many benefits to being generous.

Not just for the people receiving it, but for the person giving it too. And that’s okay. You’re allowed to experience good things as a result of choosing to be generous.

The catch is that generosity can’t be driven only by what you get back. The moment it becomes transactional, it stops being generosity and starts becoming something different, more of a calculation.

But when generosity is genuine, it begins to bear fruit.

Not always immediately. Not always in obvious ways. But over time, it becomes noticeable.

It shows up in your attitude. A lighter way of seeing people. Less cynicism. More patience than you used to have.

It shows up in your lifestyle. Less focused on holding tightly, more open-handed in how you live and relate to what you have.

And it shows up in your finances too. Not necessarily more or less money, but a different relationship with it. Less fear. Less grip. More clarity about what it’s for.

The strange thing about generosity is that it grows both outward and inward at the same time.

You give something away.

And somehow, you grow fruit for yourself.

I Thought I Was Wrong Once…

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You’ve probably met someone who says: “I thought I was wrong once… but I was mistaken.”

Usually followed by laughter. It’s a little bit funny but occasionally you meet people who aren’t entirely joking when they say it.

They genuinely struggle to imagine that they could be wrong about something. It can happen to all of us at one time or another.

We like being right. We like winning arguments. We like certainty.
We like the feeling of standing on solid ground while someone else changes their mind.

But the reality is that we are all wrong about something. Failing to admit that or even to entertain the idea that it is possible is more about self-preservation than finding the truth.

Conflict happens all the time, and that’s not a bad thing, if it is done well. Generosity matters a great deal in our daily conflict.

Because generous conflict leaves room for the possibility that we may have missed something. Or misunderstood something. Or simply got it wrong.

Ungenerous conflict needs victory.

Generous conflict values the relationship more than the scoreboard.

That doesn’t mean pretending truth does not matter. It just means humility matters too.

Being able to say:
“You were right.”
Or even:
“You might be right.”
…is a deeply generous thing.

And if you happen to be right this time, rubbing it in rarely helps anyone.

Grace is important on both sides of the argument.

How Weakness Becomes Strength

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Your greatest strength comes from your greatest struggle.

For me, that strength is curiosity. It’s helped me get to know and understand people well. I’m not the best in the world at it, but I’m pretty good—and it’s served both me and the people around me.

This strength is born from a place of lack—from a deep-seated belief that I didn’t have much to offer in conversations. So I learned to fill silence with questions that draw others out.

Initially I just enjoyed the feeling of relief to not have the pressure of carrying a conversation, but over time I realised that getting to know people is fascinating and a gift that they give to me. Everyone has a story, something interesting going on in their world that we can learn from and be encouraged by.

I’m grateful for those insecure (and incorrect) beliefs, because they led me to develop a strength I can use for good. What I once saw as a weakness has quietly become one of the most valuable parts of who I am.

It didn’t arrive as confidence or clarity. It arrived as compensation—an attempt to avoid discomfort, to fill silence, to protect myself from judgment. But somewhere along the way, that coping mechanism became curiosity. And that curiosity became connection.

The irony is that the belief I was trying to escape—that I didn’t have much to offer—ended up shaping something that helps me draw the best out of others. Not because I fixed myself, but because I followed where that insecurity led long enough to discover its value.

And maybe that’s the point.

We don’t just grow by eliminating our weaknesses. Sometimes we grow by walking through them long enough that they transform into something useful, even beautiful.

I don’t always need to have the perfect thing to say – and I’m comfortable with that. It keeps me curious, engaged, and open, creating space for other people’s stories to come alive.

And for that, I’m genuinely grateful.

Think Helping Others Is a Waste of Time? Think Again

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What’s the best excuse you’ve ever heard for being late?

“I stopped to help someone.”

It’s one of the few reasons no one argues with.

What about,

…I helped a guy push his broken-down car off the road.
…I gave a lift to a friend.
…I waited with a little girl until she found her mum.
…I helped a stranger with directions to the train station.
…I came across a car accident—no one was hurt, but I stayed with one of the drivers until their family arrived.

No one would call any of these a waste of time—even if they made you late. We instinctively recognise them for what they are: good, generous things to do.

In fact, people have lied about doing things like this just to justify being late. I’m not suggesting you do that—but it says something important. Deep down, we all agree: helping others is a good use of our time, even when it disrupts our plans.

That said, if this happens to you all the time, it’s probably best not to talk about it too much. Even good deeds can wear thin if they consistently inconvenience the same people.

It’s interesting, though—we think very differently about giving away our time compared to giving away our money.

We tend to guard our money, but spend our time freely.
And yet, we have far less time than we do money, although we waste both.

If we spent money the way we spend time, how would that impact us?

Maybe the better question is this:

What would change if we treated our time as something worth giving, rather than something we’re always trying to protect?

Because the minutes you “lose” helping someone else are rarely wasted.

They’re often the ones that matter most.

The Power of Integrity: How Keeping Your Word Boosts Workplace Trust

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One of the values that I align my life with is integrity – and by my definition it means ‘doing what I say I’m going to do’.

I think it is dramatically underestimated as a strength, and I have witnessed that across my career in different sectors.

We underestimate what it means to others when we put our hand up, or have something thrust upon us and commit ourselves to it. Especially in the workplace.

Some have said, “Isn’t that just doing your job? Why is that so special?”  which is a great question. It probably shouldn’t be considered a special effort, but it is because not everyone does it.

As James Clear said, “Delivering your work on time can be a form of generosity. You make life easier for everyone downstream.”

Yep, it is just doing your job. It is just doing what you said you were going to do. It is just living with integrity. But the positive impact it has on other people is significant, not only by making their job easier as they don’t have to chase you for the stuff they are waiting on so they can do it, but for the trust it builds within your organisation.

It’s a little thing. But it’s a big act of generosity.

“I just have to say this…” Nope, no you don’t.

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Sometimes you don’t need to say it out loud.

I know, you can see the problem. It’s as clear as day. It’s like a giant red flashing light.

But the real question is, are you trying to help another person or are you just trying to prove that you are right, smart, of better than someone else?

James Clear said, “Leaving something unsaid can be a form of generosity. You don’t always need the last word.”

So, maybe it’s time to place your ego aside and contemplate the impact your words have on other people, even if you have the ‘right’ answer.

I’m reminded of the quote from Brian O’Driscoll, “Knowledge is knowing that tomatoes are a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put them in a fruit salad.”

In the same way, knowledge is knowing the right answer to a problem. Wisdom is knowing when, how and if to say it out loud.

So, let’s strive to reach for knowledge and wisdom, and find ways to be generous to those around us, even if it means saying nothing at all.

“I think you have the wrong meeting”

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My greatest fear is turning up to a Zoom call meeting early only to discover that the previous meeting hasn’t finished, or that my meeting has been shifted to another room, or – worst case scenario – I have the wrong day. There is nothing like the complete humiliation of many faces popping up on a screen as you enter, they stop talking awkwardly, and then suggest ‘Uh, I think you have the wrong meeting’, to which I reply, ‘Sorry folks. I’ll jump out.’

I then leave the meeting and spend the rest of the day emotionally recovering from looking so stupid. If it happens first thing in the morning, I’m not kidding, the whole day is a write off.

This has happened to me a number of times and I can remember each and every one of them, viscerally.

The other end of the spectrum is when you turn up to a video call early and the other person is late, so you end up staring at yourself on the screen contemplating what you are doing with your life whilst trying to check yourself out from different angles. (If you have two screens you can genuinely see what you look like from the side – it’s pretty fun). I prefer this one over gatecrashing someone else’s meeting, because, after checking a handful of times to make sure I have the right time and place, I can make sure that I am ready to go as soon as they jump on. (Plus there is always the hope that the meeting will get cancelled and I can do something else…)

The people I work with know that I will be two minutes early for every meeting and I will hold space and wait if they get caught up with something. This is a gift to other people, that costs me nothing (and can be done without becoming a doormat)

“Being early can be a form of generosity. You wait, so they don’t have to.” – James Clear

I don’t crash too many meetings anymore because technology has changed a little, but even if it did happen whilst I was attempting to arrive early as an act of generosity, it’s worth the risk.

Why Read?

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I really enjoy reading. Over the last 15 years it has become a central part of my life and my journey.

Not every genre though, as I am sure you understand. Not everyone likes the same things. But as a I look back at the things that have really held my attention during that time, there appears to be 2 reasons why I enjoy reading something

Firstly, I read something because it will make me smarter, either in reality, or just in my perception. I really like learning about things that interest me, be that in the realm of psychology, philosophy, self-leadership and a small amount of economics*. Sometimes I genuinely increase my understanding and intellect about a topic through reading, and sometimes I just feel smarter because I finished reading a challenging book (often by Nassim Taleb), even though my general intelligence hasn’t improved.

Secondly, I read something that tells a hell of a story. I am addicted to story. Once a story loop starts in my head, I really, really want it to be closed off. But I am choosy about what I let get started, which means I don’t pick up any random novel. There is a high barrier to entry, and even then if I finish a book and the story wasn’t up to scratch, I will think unhelpful thoughts towards the author. It has to be a great story, a good one won’t cut it.

This is not just for me though. When creating for people, generally they will consume it if it makes them smarter (real or perceived) or it’s a hell of a story. Ideally it’s both.

*Honestly, I’m not sure I understand economics, or most things written by Nassim Taleb to be fair.

The Journey Must be Good

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“I just need to get to the end of this week.”

How many times have I said that?

How many times have you?

The need to get through the week, or this month, or this year, until payday, this debt has gone or this season has changed, can be strong because no one enjoys being in a difficult or uncomfortable position. We just want it to go away and until that happens it is hard to focus on or enjoy other things.

 So, we wait for the good times to come, impatiently. The things which we think create good times are the new things we collect, be they big ticket items or everyday things.

But once we have the new things they rarely hold our attention or bring the joy that we thought they might have.

As Pliny the Younger said, “An object in possession seldom retains the same charm that it had in pursuit.”

You’re telling me that if life is uncomfortable or challenging now, the things that I am looking forward to in the future won’t help? Thanks Pliny, I feel much better now.

What is left for us is the journey from now until then. We get to choose the path we take, who we take that path with and how we can enjoy that path together.

Also, I think there is a way to find joy and purpose without going after things, but that is more a philosophical/spiritual journey.