Tag: Growth

How Weakness Becomes Strength

Published on by Kieran Johnson - The Generosity Guy1 Comment

Your greatest strength comes from your greatest struggle.

For me, that strength is curiosity. It’s helped me get to know and understand people well. I’m not the best in the world at it, but I’m pretty good—and it’s served both me and the people around me.

This strength is born from a place of lack—from a deep-seated belief that I didn’t have much to offer in conversations. So I learned to fill silence with questions that draw others out.

Initially I just enjoyed the feeling of relief to not have the pressure of carrying a conversation, but over time I realised that getting to know people is fascinating and a gift that they give to me. Everyone has a story, something interesting going on in their world that we can learn from and be encouraged by.

I’m grateful for those insecure (and incorrect) beliefs, because they led me to develop a strength I can use for good. What I once saw as a weakness has quietly become one of the most valuable parts of who I am.

It didn’t arrive as confidence or clarity. It arrived as compensation—an attempt to avoid discomfort, to fill silence, to protect myself from judgment. But somewhere along the way, that coping mechanism became curiosity. And that curiosity became connection.

The irony is that the belief I was trying to escape—that I didn’t have much to offer—ended up shaping something that helps me draw the best out of others. Not because I fixed myself, but because I followed where that insecurity led long enough to discover its value.

And maybe that’s the point.

We don’t just grow by eliminating our weaknesses. Sometimes we grow by walking through them long enough that they transform into something useful, even beautiful.

I don’t always need to have the perfect thing to say – and I’m comfortable with that. It keeps me curious, engaged, and open, creating space for other people’s stories to come alive.

And for that, I’m genuinely grateful.

Think Helping Others Is a Waste of Time? Think Again

Published on by Kieran Johnson - The Generosity GuyLeave a comment

What’s the best excuse you’ve ever heard for being late?

“I stopped to help someone.”

It’s one of the few reasons no one argues with.

What about,

…I helped a guy push his broken-down car off the road.
…I gave a lift to a friend.
…I waited with a little girl until she found her mum.
…I helped a stranger with directions to the train station.
…I came across a car accident—no one was hurt, but I stayed with one of the drivers until their family arrived.

No one would call any of these a waste of time—even if they made you late. We instinctively recognise them for what they are: good, generous things to do.

In fact, people have lied about doing things like this just to justify being late. I’m not suggesting you do that—but it says something important. Deep down, we all agree: helping others is a good use of our time, even when it disrupts our plans.

That said, if this happens to you all the time, it’s probably best not to talk about it too much. Even good deeds can wear thin if they consistently inconvenience the same people.

It’s interesting, though—we think very differently about giving away our time compared to giving away our money.

We tend to guard our money, but spend our time freely.
And yet, we have far less time than we do money, although we waste both.

If we spent money the way we spend time, how would that impact us?

Maybe the better question is this:

What would change if we treated our time as something worth giving, rather than something we’re always trying to protect?

Because the minutes you “lose” helping someone else are rarely wasted.

They’re often the ones that matter most.

The Power of Integrity: How Keeping Your Word Boosts Workplace Trust

Published on by Kieran Johnson - The Generosity GuyLeave a comment

One of the values that I align my life with is integrity – and by my definition it means ‘doing what I say I’m going to do’.

I think it is dramatically underestimated as a strength, and I have witnessed that across my career in different sectors.

We underestimate what it means to others when we put our hand up, or have something thrust upon us and commit ourselves to it. Especially in the workplace.

Some have said, “Isn’t that just doing your job? Why is that so special?”  which is a great question. It probably shouldn’t be considered a special effort, but it is because not everyone does it.

As James Clear said, “Delivering your work on time can be a form of generosity. You make life easier for everyone downstream.”

Yep, it is just doing your job. It is just doing what you said you were going to do. It is just living with integrity. But the positive impact it has on other people is significant, not only by making their job easier as they don’t have to chase you for the stuff they are waiting on so they can do it, but for the trust it builds within your organisation.

It’s a little thing. But it’s a big act of generosity.

“I just have to say this…” Nope, no you don’t.

Published on by Kieran Johnson - The Generosity GuyLeave a comment

Sometimes you don’t need to say it out loud.

I know, you can see the problem. It’s as clear as day. It’s like a giant red flashing light.

But the real question is, are you trying to help another person or are you just trying to prove that you are right, smart, of better than someone else?

James Clear said, “Leaving something unsaid can be a form of generosity. You don’t always need the last word.”

So, maybe it’s time to place your ego aside and contemplate the impact your words have on other people, even if you have the ‘right’ answer.

I’m reminded of the quote from Brian O’Driscoll, “Knowledge is knowing that tomatoes are a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put them in a fruit salad.”

In the same way, knowledge is knowing the right answer to a problem. Wisdom is knowing when, how and if to say it out loud.

So, let’s strive to reach for knowledge and wisdom, and find ways to be generous to those around us, even if it means saying nothing at all.

“I think you have the wrong meeting”

Published on by Kieran Johnson - The Generosity GuyLeave a comment

My greatest fear is turning up to a Zoom call meeting early only to discover that the previous meeting hasn’t finished, or that my meeting has been shifted to another room, or – worst case scenario – I have the wrong day. There is nothing like the complete humiliation of many faces popping up on a screen as you enter, they stop talking awkwardly, and then suggest ‘Uh, I think you have the wrong meeting’, to which I reply, ‘Sorry folks. I’ll jump out.’

I then leave the meeting and spend the rest of the day emotionally recovering from looking so stupid. If it happens first thing in the morning, I’m not kidding, the whole day is a write off.

This has happened to me a number of times and I can remember each and every one of them, viscerally.

The other end of the spectrum is when you turn up to a video call early and the other person is late, so you end up staring at yourself on the screen contemplating what you are doing with your life whilst trying to check yourself out from different angles. (If you have two screens you can genuinely see what you look like from the side – it’s pretty fun). I prefer this one over gatecrashing someone else’s meeting, because, after checking a handful of times to make sure I have the right time and place, I can make sure that I am ready to go as soon as they jump on. (Plus there is always the hope that the meeting will get cancelled and I can do something else…)

The people I work with know that I will be two minutes early for every meeting and I will hold space and wait if they get caught up with something. This is a gift to other people, that costs me nothing (and can be done without becoming a doormat)

“Being early can be a form of generosity. You wait, so they don’t have to.” – James Clear

I don’t crash too many meetings anymore because technology has changed a little, but even if it did happen whilst I was attempting to arrive early as an act of generosity, it’s worth the risk.

Why Read?

Published on by Kieran Johnson - The Generosity GuyLeave a comment

I really enjoy reading. Over the last 15 years it has become a central part of my life and my journey.

Not every genre though, as I am sure you understand. Not everyone likes the same things. But as a I look back at the things that have really held my attention during that time, there appears to be 2 reasons why I enjoy reading something

Firstly, I read something because it will make me smarter, either in reality, or just in my perception. I really like learning about things that interest me, be that in the realm of psychology, philosophy, self-leadership and a small amount of economics*. Sometimes I genuinely increase my understanding and intellect about a topic through reading, and sometimes I just feel smarter because I finished reading a challenging book (often by Nassim Taleb), even though my general intelligence hasn’t improved.

Secondly, I read something that tells a hell of a story. I am addicted to story. Once a story loop starts in my head, I really, really want it to be closed off. But I am choosy about what I let get started, which means I don’t pick up any random novel. There is a high barrier to entry, and even then if I finish a book and the story wasn’t up to scratch, I will think unhelpful thoughts towards the author. It has to be a great story, a good one won’t cut it.

This is not just for me though. When creating for people, generally they will consume it if it makes them smarter (real or perceived) or it’s a hell of a story. Ideally it’s both.

*Honestly, I’m not sure I understand economics, or most things written by Nassim Taleb to be fair.

The Journey Must be Good

Published on by Kieran Johnson - The Generosity GuyLeave a comment

“I just need to get to the end of this week.”

How many times have I said that?

How many times have you?

The need to get through the week, or this month, or this year, until payday, this debt has gone or this season has changed, can be strong because no one enjoys being in a difficult or uncomfortable position. We just want it to go away and until that happens it is hard to focus on or enjoy other things.

 So, we wait for the good times to come, impatiently. The things which we think create good times are the new things we collect, be they big ticket items or everyday things.

But once we have the new things they rarely hold our attention or bring the joy that we thought they might have.

As Pliny the Younger said, “An object in possession seldom retains the same charm that it had in pursuit.”

You’re telling me that if life is uncomfortable or challenging now, the things that I am looking forward to in the future won’t help? Thanks Pliny, I feel much better now.

What is left for us is the journey from now until then. We get to choose the path we take, who we take that path with and how we can enjoy that path together.

Also, I think there is a way to find joy and purpose without going after things, but that is more a philosophical/spiritual journey.

Responding to Hate with Kindness: Lessons in Courageous Leadership

Published on by Kieran Johnson - The Generosity GuyLeave a comment

It’s the kind of leadership I respond to and think is strong and courageous. I don’t see it in too many people anymore. But Martin Luther King Jnr. had it in spades.

His quote continues to rattle around my head.

“Hate begets hate…”

From hate, more hate is birthed. It grows and overwhelms every person it touches.

“…violence begets violence…”

From violence, more violence is birthed. It grows and overwhelms every person it touches.

Hate filled violence is a scourge on our world. We think it’s strength. We think it’s righteous. We think hurting someone who hurt us is the way it is supposed to be. A justified action. But it only creates more hatred and violence at those who have already been affected by it, that will bubble up as they attempt to take down whomever they think is responsible for their hurt.

We can track wars back to small acts that ‘required’ responses which then, in turn, required responses and grew into millions fighting and dying for something someone else started.

Somewhere, someone has to put a stop to it. To look past the wrong that has been done to them, and to express grace and forgiveness, and not retaliate with a ‘justifiable’ response. Someone has to say ‘enough’.

I can think of one man that did that. Wrongly accused and sentenced to death. Innocent and yet still violently murdered. But even as it happened he urged love and forgiveness for those who committed the violence.

“Father forgive them, they don’t know what they are doing”. Jesus.

They didn’t know that violence wouldn’t provide them the peace they are after. Hatred wouldn’t solve the inner turmoil and hurt they were feeling. Only love can do that.

“We must meet the forces of hate with the power of love”.

What does love look like in the face of hate?

Mostly, it’s a refusal to treat others the way you have been treated. But more than not treating someone badly, it is a proactive treating others how you would like to be treated.

If you want to be loved, then love.

It you want to not be on the end of a violent act, don’t act violently towards others.

If you want to be the recipient of kindness, then be kind.

If you want to be the recipient of generosity, then be generous.

Or, to appease my desire to not sound too self-centred:

If you want your family to be loved by others, then love.

If you want your family to not be on the end of violent acts, then don’t act violently towards others.

If you want your family to be the recipients of kindness, then be kind.

If you want your family to be the recipients of generosity, then be generous.

Sure, there is never a guarantee that you what you put out into the world will come back directly to you or your family, but it is much better to err on the side of love, non-violence, kindness and generosity.

If I ever get accused of being too much of something, I hope that it’s because I was too much of those things.

I also note that I use the word ‘hate’ too often. It is not lost on me that, even whilst sharing thoughts on generosity, I still manage to add to the hate…I’m working on that.

‘My Life My Rules’ and other selfish life philosophies

Published on by Kieran Johnson - The Generosity GuyLeave a comment

“New Rule, I get to do whatever I like.”  Ellenor Shellstrop, The Good Place

There are a number of ways to view this world which may sound appealing but in reality they lead to pain and suffering. Let’s look at a few.

“I can do whatever I want to do.”

This is totally true, you can do whatever you want, but you reap what you sow. You sow chaos, you reap chaos. You sow selfishness, you reap selfishness. You sow generosity, you reap generosity. There are always consequences for your actions. They may not line up exactly but generally you get back what you give out.

“You can’t tell me what to do.”

I totally agree. As an adult, no one can tell you what to do. You can do anything you like. There is nothing stopping you. But if no one has the chance to speak into your life you miss out on all sorts of wisdom. Also, if you live life without boundaries or restrictions, with nothing off limits, you hurt the people around you and you hurt yourself.

“That sounds like a ‘You’ problem.”

At one level, this appears to create healthy boundaries and at the same time it encourages personal responsibility, but it is born from a lack of empathy and a disconnect from other people’s life and emotions. Essentially it is a way of saying “I don’t care about you and what is happening in your life”. You could say that instead, it would certainly take care of any pesky ‘friendships’ you may have.

“I don’t owe anyone anything”

It sounds like independence, but it is filled with arrogance and self-centredness. It also completely misses the interconnectedness that we have with each other. No one on the planet got where they are without the help of a large amount of people. We owe it to each other to give back to others.

“My life, my rules.”

This one encapsulates a few different one’s together. Again, this almost sounds great and encouraging to hear people living their own life, but being part of a community, any community, requires living by other people’s rules sometimes because of the broader benefit to the wider group. Think of speed limits, or anti-corruption laws, or the general understanding that you whisper when you are in the local library. There are a number of times when it would be to your personal benefit to ignore those rules, but we have a wider responsibility to the people around us. That understanding is the foundation of generosity.

Plus, as Steve Maraboli said,

“Selfish people tend to only be good to themselves…then are surprised when they are alone”

It’s best to not be alone.

Why We Struggle to Trust Ourselves (And How to Fix It)

Published on by Kieran Johnson - The Generosity GuyLeave a comment

“I’ve always gone for the ‘bad boy’ in my relationships, and it has never worked out. I want to find a healthy relationship and settle down”.

“Good for her!” I thought. Self-awareness is the key to helping us create the life that we want.

I rarely watch reality tv. I have caught glimpses over the years, but I never thought that anything about it was actually real, until one day I happened upon a bachelorette type franchise where a well-known female was the object of many a male’s affection. Not groundbreaking by any stretch.

What did stand out was this insight she had about herself.

Fast forward to the end of the series and the final two males that she could choose from represented her two options in life. Choose the new, unknown, probably healthy relationship with a nice guy who cared for her, or the same relationship she has had over and over, which she said she didn’t want.

She chose the second option, the ‘bad boy’ she said she didn’t want, and a few months later it all fell apart, like it always did.

I couldn’t believe it, she had happiness and contentment right in front of her and she threw it aside to chase after something that seemed fun but in the end was damaging. Why would she do that?

But when you think about it, we all do that. We all have some idea about what is good for us, what is healthy, what will probably make us happy, when faced with a choice between those things and what looks fun in the moment, how many times do we choose the thing that will hurt us in the long term? Why can’t we just make good, healthy decisions?

It’s one thing to know what is good for us, what we need, and what will create the best scenario for us down the track, it’s another thing to do it.

Generosity is like that. We could give some money away, or some time, or do something thoughtful for someone else, or we could buy another pair of shoes, or start the next episode of whatever we are streaming at the moment. I know which of those things will make me happier long term, but often I choose the other things.

What on earth do we do? Be generous to yourself and know that this isn’t how it always has to be. You can make a change, by starting small. Take $5, 5 minutes or 5 messages and use them to act generously towards others. Then go back to your shoes and shows. If you do this consistently, over time you will require less shoes and shows and enjoy more generosity and more of life.

Who knows, you may even find yourself making more good, healthy decisions in other areas of your life too.