“There will be a day when nobody listens, when nobody reads, when nobody calls, when nobody responds and who will I be then?” – Carey Nieuwhof

Watching numbers can be intoxicating. Seeing that more people are reading, responding, attending, subscribing to things that I do is a nice dopamine hit. At one level it gives me a sense of value in this world. It’s nice.

Don’t get me wrong, my ‘numbers’ are not large, I am grateful for the days when I can put the ‘s’ on the end of ‘number’. But I often find myself drawn to the metrics page of whatever I am currently working on. Most days, at least one person reads something that I have written.

There has been the occasional day when no one does. There is a big fat zero in the metrics for that day. There is nothing unusual about that day from my perspective. I’m still producing the same amount of content, I am still as active as always, but for whatever reason, nobody reads, watches, calls or comments.

It’s quiet.

It can be lonely.

I think I’ve come to a place where that is okay. Great even. Because who I am that day, when no one is watching or consuming, is who I truly am. That’s the real me.

I find myself thinking on those days, “If this is how it will be forever, if no one ever reads what I have written, would I still write?”

“Yes” is the answer.

I write because it is the overflow of what is happening within me. Sure, some of it is a little weird, hard to understand and sometimes without a point, but that’s okay. That’s what is going on in my head.

Who am I when nobody reads? I hope that I am someone who is generous to himself.