Tag: Featured

The Better Offer

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“Thanks, but I got a better offer.”

I’m not sure I’ve heard too many people say that out loud, but certainly that is what they have meant when they let me know that they were unable to attend an event or gathering. Sometimes it is not communicated with words at all, just through them not turning up.

It can feel hard to commit to an event weeks in advance because who knows what else might come up in the meantime?

Sometimes your better offer is listening to your anxiety and staying home.

Sometimes your better offer is choosing one friend over another.

Sometimes your better offer is choosing something that serves you in that moment over what you have already committed to.

There is nothing inherently wrong with any of those choices, but they should be intentional, not habitual.

An underrated act of generosity is simply turning up to something you said you’d go to. Even if you might not feel like it in the moment.

It shows the person that invited that you care. That you respect them. That you recognise the effort it takes to organising something, and that it matters when people come.

And if you can’t make it, letting someone know matters too.

Because people want to be valued and that is often just as important as being there.

How Weakness Becomes Strength

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Your greatest strength comes from your greatest struggle.

For me, that strength is curiosity. It’s helped me get to know and understand people well. I’m not the best in the world at it, but I’m pretty good—and it’s served both me and the people around me.

This strength is born from a place of lack—from a deep-seated belief that I didn’t have much to offer in conversations. So I learned to fill silence with questions that draw others out.

Initially I just enjoyed the feeling of relief to not have the pressure of carrying a conversation, but over time I realised that getting to know people is fascinating and a gift that they give to me. Everyone has a story, something interesting going on in their world that we can learn from and be encouraged by.

I’m grateful for those insecure (and incorrect) beliefs, because they led me to develop a strength I can use for good. What I once saw as a weakness has quietly become one of the most valuable parts of who I am.

It didn’t arrive as confidence or clarity. It arrived as compensation—an attempt to avoid discomfort, to fill silence, to protect myself from judgment. But somewhere along the way, that coping mechanism became curiosity. And that curiosity became connection.

The irony is that the belief I was trying to escape—that I didn’t have much to offer—ended up shaping something that helps me draw the best out of others. Not because I fixed myself, but because I followed where that insecurity led long enough to discover its value.

And maybe that’s the point.

We don’t just grow by eliminating our weaknesses. Sometimes we grow by walking through them long enough that they transform into something useful, even beautiful.

I don’t always need to have the perfect thing to say – and I’m comfortable with that. It keeps me curious, engaged, and open, creating space for other people’s stories to come alive.

And for that, I’m genuinely grateful.

Think Helping Others Is a Waste of Time? Think Again

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What’s the best excuse you’ve ever heard for being late?

“I stopped to help someone.”

It’s one of the few reasons no one argues with.

What about,

…I helped a guy push his broken-down car off the road.
…I gave a lift to a friend.
…I waited with a little girl until she found her mum.
…I helped a stranger with directions to the train station.
…I came across a car accident—no one was hurt, but I stayed with one of the drivers until their family arrived.

No one would call any of these a waste of time—even if they made you late. We instinctively recognise them for what they are: good, generous things to do.

In fact, people have lied about doing things like this just to justify being late. I’m not suggesting you do that—but it says something important. Deep down, we all agree: helping others is a good use of our time, even when it disrupts our plans.

That said, if this happens to you all the time, it’s probably best not to talk about it too much. Even good deeds can wear thin if they consistently inconvenience the same people.

It’s interesting, though—we think very differently about giving away our time compared to giving away our money.

We tend to guard our money, but spend our time freely.
And yet, we have far less time than we do money, although we waste both.

If we spent money the way we spend time, how would that impact us?

Maybe the better question is this:

What would change if we treated our time as something worth giving, rather than something we’re always trying to protect?

Because the minutes you “lose” helping someone else are rarely wasted.

They’re often the ones that matter most.

Assume the Best: The Secret to Clearer Communication

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You know the saying, “Never make an assumption—it makes an ‘ass’ out of ‘u’ and ‘mption’.” Or something like that.

Truly understanding what someone is saying, rather than what you think they are saying, takes time and effort. There’s no denying it—it’s hard work—but the payoff is huge: fewer misunderstandings and a safer space for open communication.

As James Clear puts it, “Not taking things personally can be a form of generosity. You give people the space to say things imperfectly.”

In my experience, the only consistently safe assumption is to assume the best intentions of the person you’re communicating with. Assume they are trying to help, share something positive, or are maybe having a rough moment and their words aren’t really about you. Even if you’re wrong, starting from that mindset gives the relationship room to grow, recover, or shift to a healthier space.

Assuming the worst, on the other hand, is much harder to work with—and you’ll often be wrong more than you’re right.

Be Kind to Yourself—Without Lowering Your Standards

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Why Self-Improvement Can Become Exhausting

I love personal growth.

Books, podcasts, videos—anything that helps me improve, I’m in. There’s something energising about learning how to think better, live better, and uncover the blind spots holding me back.

But here’s the honest truth I had to face:

That mindset can be exhausting.

Not just for me—but for the people around me too.

When you’re constantly analysing your behaviour, looking for flaws, and trying to optimise every part of your life, it can feel like nothing is ever good enough. And if I’m honest, sometimes I bring that intensity into my relationships.

Over time, I realised something important:

  • Growth without self-generosity leads to burnout.
  • Self-generosity without accountability leads to stagnation.

So the real challenge is finding the balance.

The Trap: “Self-Generosity” vs. Letting Yourself Off the Hook

For a long time, I told myself I was being “kind” or “understanding” toward myself.

In reality?

  • Skipping commitments
  • Making excuses
  • Lowering my standards

…and calling it self-care.

That’s not self-generosity. That’s mislabelled comfort.

True self-generosity means:

  • Being compassionate without lying to yourself
  • Being understanding without abandoning your standards
  • Giving yourself grace while still moving forward

To help me stay grounded, I’ve adopted three simple mindset anchors.

1. “We Are All a Work in Progress”

This one keeps me humble.

  • I don’t know everyone else’s journey
  • I don’t know their struggles
  • I don’t know where they’ll end up

It’s easy to judge people who don’t seem to be improving—but growth isn’t always visible.

And honestly? It applies to me just as much.

I’m still figuring things out. Still improving. Still making mistakes.

And that’s okay.

2. “I’m Better Than I Was Yesterday (But Not as Good as I’ll Be Tomorrow)”

This is my antidote to frustration.

When I fall into old habits or negative thinking patterns, it’s easy to spiral into:

  • “Why am I still like this?”
  • “I should be past this by now”

This mindset shifts the focus from perfection to progress.

If I’m reading, learning, moving my body, and taking small steps forward—then I’m growing.

Progress might be slow—but it’s still progress.

3. “In This Moment, I Am Enough”

This is the one that brings me back to the present.

No matter how much I prepare—or don’t—there are moments where it’s too late to change the past.

Instead of beating myself up, I can choose to:

  • Own who I am
  • Show up fully
  • Do the best I can with what I have

Right now—that’s enough.

The Balance That Actually Works

Being generous to yourself doesn’t mean lowering the bar.

It means holding yourself to a high standard while treating yourself like someone worth supporting—not punishing.

You grow faster with encouragement than with criticism.

Final Thought

Self-growth is a lifelong process.

You won’t always get it right. You’ll repeat patterns. You’ll fall short sometimes.

But if you combine honesty, discipline, and self-compassion, you create something powerful:

Sustainable growth.

What About You?

What are the phrases, beliefs, or reminders that help you stay balanced?

The Power of Integrity: How Keeping Your Word Boosts Workplace Trust

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One of the values that I align my life with is integrity – and by my definition it means ‘doing what I say I’m going to do’.

I think it is dramatically underestimated as a strength, and I have witnessed that across my career in different sectors.

We underestimate what it means to others when we put our hand up, or have something thrust upon us and commit ourselves to it. Especially in the workplace.

Some have said, “Isn’t that just doing your job? Why is that so special?”  which is a great question. It probably shouldn’t be considered a special effort, but it is because not everyone does it.

As James Clear said, “Delivering your work on time can be a form of generosity. You make life easier for everyone downstream.”

Yep, it is just doing your job. It is just doing what you said you were going to do. It is just living with integrity. But the positive impact it has on other people is significant, not only by making their job easier as they don’t have to chase you for the stuff they are waiting on so they can do it, but for the trust it builds within your organisation.

It’s a little thing. But it’s a big act of generosity.

“I just have to say this…” Nope, no you don’t.

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Sometimes you don’t need to say it out loud.

I know, you can see the problem. It’s as clear as day. It’s like a giant red flashing light.

But the real question is, are you trying to help another person or are you just trying to prove that you are right, smart, of better than someone else?

James Clear said, “Leaving something unsaid can be a form of generosity. You don’t always need the last word.”

So, maybe it’s time to place your ego aside and contemplate the impact your words have on other people, even if you have the ‘right’ answer.

I’m reminded of the quote from Brian O’Driscoll, “Knowledge is knowing that tomatoes are a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put them in a fruit salad.”

In the same way, knowledge is knowing the right answer to a problem. Wisdom is knowing when, how and if to say it out loud.

So, let’s strive to reach for knowledge and wisdom, and find ways to be generous to those around us, even if it means saying nothing at all.

“I think you have the wrong meeting”

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My greatest fear is turning up to a Zoom call meeting early only to discover that the previous meeting hasn’t finished, or that my meeting has been shifted to another room, or – worst case scenario – I have the wrong day. There is nothing like the complete humiliation of many faces popping up on a screen as you enter, they stop talking awkwardly, and then suggest ‘Uh, I think you have the wrong meeting’, to which I reply, ‘Sorry folks. I’ll jump out.’

I then leave the meeting and spend the rest of the day emotionally recovering from looking so stupid. If it happens first thing in the morning, I’m not kidding, the whole day is a write off.

This has happened to me a number of times and I can remember each and every one of them, viscerally.

The other end of the spectrum is when you turn up to a video call early and the other person is late, so you end up staring at yourself on the screen contemplating what you are doing with your life whilst trying to check yourself out from different angles. (If you have two screens you can genuinely see what you look like from the side – it’s pretty fun). I prefer this one over gatecrashing someone else’s meeting, because, after checking a handful of times to make sure I have the right time and place, I can make sure that I am ready to go as soon as they jump on. (Plus there is always the hope that the meeting will get cancelled and I can do something else…)

The people I work with know that I will be two minutes early for every meeting and I will hold space and wait if they get caught up with something. This is a gift to other people, that costs me nothing (and can be done without becoming a doormat)

“Being early can be a form of generosity. You wait, so they don’t have to.” – James Clear

I don’t crash too many meetings anymore because technology has changed a little, but even if it did happen whilst I was attempting to arrive early as an act of generosity, it’s worth the risk.

Why Read?

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I really enjoy reading. Over the last 15 years it has become a central part of my life and my journey.

Not every genre though, as I am sure you understand. Not everyone likes the same things. But as a I look back at the things that have really held my attention during that time, there appears to be 2 reasons why I enjoy reading something

Firstly, I read something because it will make me smarter, either in reality, or just in my perception. I really like learning about things that interest me, be that in the realm of psychology, philosophy, self-leadership and a small amount of economics*. Sometimes I genuinely increase my understanding and intellect about a topic through reading, and sometimes I just feel smarter because I finished reading a challenging book (often by Nassim Taleb), even though my general intelligence hasn’t improved.

Secondly, I read something that tells a hell of a story. I am addicted to story. Once a story loop starts in my head, I really, really want it to be closed off. But I am choosy about what I let get started, which means I don’t pick up any random novel. There is a high barrier to entry, and even then if I finish a book and the story wasn’t up to scratch, I will think unhelpful thoughts towards the author. It has to be a great story, a good one won’t cut it.

This is not just for me though. When creating for people, generally they will consume it if it makes them smarter (real or perceived) or it’s a hell of a story. Ideally it’s both.

*Honestly, I’m not sure I understand economics, or most things written by Nassim Taleb to be fair.

The Journey Must be Good

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“I just need to get to the end of this week.”

How many times have I said that?

How many times have you?

The need to get through the week, or this month, or this year, until payday, this debt has gone or this season has changed, can be strong because no one enjoys being in a difficult or uncomfortable position. We just want it to go away and until that happens it is hard to focus on or enjoy other things.

 So, we wait for the good times to come, impatiently. The things which we think create good times are the new things we collect, be they big ticket items or everyday things.

But once we have the new things they rarely hold our attention or bring the joy that we thought they might have.

As Pliny the Younger said, “An object in possession seldom retains the same charm that it had in pursuit.”

You’re telling me that if life is uncomfortable or challenging now, the things that I am looking forward to in the future won’t help? Thanks Pliny, I feel much better now.

What is left for us is the journey from now until then. We get to choose the path we take, who we take that path with and how we can enjoy that path together.

Also, I think there is a way to find joy and purpose without going after things, but that is more a philosophical/spiritual journey.