My nephew* is great. How he engages with my younger kids is remarkable, even though they are about 10 years younger than him. He finds the time and energy to play with them. Not bad for a teenager.
My wife was commenting on this the other day and I agreed, saying that “I never would have done that at his age. I wouldn’t have thought about others the way he does. I probably still don’t.”
Without hesitation, without a second thought, without any internal debate, my wife responded, “Yeah.” Fully agreeing with my self-assessment. It was said with a smile, with a some humour to it, but behind the humour was the subliminal message which said, “but seriously, you don’t”.
Brutal.
It sent me on a bit of a downward spiral. I know I’m not great sometimes but am I really that bad?
I think of other people, don’t I?
I know that I am self-centred, it’s something that I have wrestled with for a long time, and something that I am sure that I will wrestle with for a long time to come. I used to operate from a place of being so afraid of letting people down, or falling short of people’s expectations that I would avoid any sense of responsibility in life. I didn’t want to promise to do something and then not do what I said I was going to. Under promise and over deliver. Or never promise and never deliver. I was a little like Eleanor Shellstrop from the Good Place, “You don’t owe me anything, I don’t owe you anything.”
I thought I had changed my ways. I thought I was a better person than I used to be. I probably am, but here is what I realised after the humorous/serious “Yeah.”:
There is a difference between thinking about others, and then verbalising and acting on those thoughts.
It appears I still have some work to do to shift my thinking into action.
*I have many nephews and nieces; they are all great. This story just so happens to be about one of them.
The Generosity Guy 