How Do You Remember Well When You Don’t Want To?

It’s not uncommon for me to be confused by a mix of emotions. I’m getting used to the mixed bag that comes up during this time of year. Australia Day, Easter and now Anzac Day, all bring with them joy and sorrow, often at the same time. It has created a new emotion in me, I call it the ‘happysad’. Most of the time I will try and avoid it, but any emotion avoided only builds up to appear in other ways, creating unexplained grumpiness and ruining the day. In an attempt to enjoy Anzac Day this year, to somehow remember and celebrate the sacrifice of so many in the all-too-many wars that have happened and continue to happen, this is me sitting with the ‘happysad’ mixture.

It starts with a question, which, like the new emotion, is complex and doesn’t make much sense.

How do you honour the sacrifice made without glorifying the violence and devastation, mixed sometimes with pure evil, but not forgetting that we exist because of what has gone before, without condoning the use of young men and women as pawns in a greater battle of egos, but acknowledging that we owe a great deal to brave men and women who have faced something I never have (and hopefully never will), although recognising that it’s not right that they had to face that either?

Or, to put it more bluntly, how is it possible to hate something (like war) with such a deep seeded passion, but enjoy its fruits because I live a luxurious life of freedom in Australia?

Here’s what I have so far.

You remember it well. That involves stopping and reflecting on what has been. Listening to stories, honouring those who were there and embracing it as part of our history. Avoiding this reality will only serve to show disrespect for those who have taken part in any war, and their families, friends and communities.

You learn what you can. For me, war teaches that life is valuable. That should go without saying, but it is true. Every person killed as a result of conflict, large or small, is a loss for all of us. In saying that, there are very few winners in a war. The side that claims the victory is the side that has lost the least. That hardly seems like winning. Everyone gets damaged in a fight, when the scale of the fight is larger than a few people, those who get damaged the most are often the people on the sidelines who aren’t involved. Collateral damage is not the cost of doing business, it is a long list of people in the wrong place at the wrong time, who have names, a family, hopes and dreams that will never become reality.

You live well. Without a sense of guilt or shame, but with a strong sense of responsibility shaped from the understanding that we stand on the shoulders of those who have gone before. Whether we like it or not. The least we can do is to live in such a way that we benefit those around us, near and far, through a generous life.

It’s not a complete list, but it’s a starting point to embrace the ‘happysad’ day that is Anzac Day.

What can you do with a day?

I often start the week with the conversations about how my weekend was. There are many times when I actually have to sit down and think about what I did over that 48-hour period. It just seems to come and go so quickly with distressing monotony. Each Monday I find myself asking, what did I achieve with my time off? Surely I did more than hang around and get coffee?

There is something about being intentional with your time and achieving outcomes in your downtime. I like rest too, don’t get me wrong, but I like the feeling of accomplishing things. Even if it is to improve myself or grow in some way.

The best part of my job is meeting with some of the most amazing people. In my time with Opportunity International so far, I have been amazed at the calibre of people who are supporting us as part of the Opportunity family. So much so, that I go out of my way to spend as much time with them as they will let me…before it becomes awkward.

People have so much to offer, experience, wisdom, insight, passion, energy.

Late in 2016 it struck me that it was a shame that I couldn’t bring people that I knew with me to meet with these incredible people, ‘I could sell tickets’, I thought. Little did I know that this was the birth of the Women4Women Conference – instead of taking people with me, I decided to arrange for us all to meet in one place, with more space than a café or an office board room.

That is what we have done. We have invited Suzzanne Laidlaw, Rabia Siddique and Kirstin Bouse to be our speakers on Saturday 13 May. All three are inspirational leaders and mothers.

Suzzanne is one of the most recognised and successful business coaches in Australia with more than 10 years’ experience coaching individuals, business coaches, managers and CEOs, as well as having 25 years’ experience within key business management roles. She is an Opportunity Ambassador and has a strong passion for inspiring people to turn their dreams and ambitions into reality through business re-education. Suzzanne is driven to live an authentic, fulfilled life that motivates others to do the same. In 2016, Suzzanne was nominated as one of WA’s most inspiring women, having her story published in the book 16 Inspirational Women by Creatavision Publishing.

Rabia is an Australian human rights and criminal lawyer, former terrorism and war crimes prosecutor and retired British Army officer. She’s also an international humanitarian, hostage survivor, professional speaker, coach and published author. Having undertaken human rights and community aid work in the Middle East, South America, United Kingdom and Australia, Rabia received a Queen’s commendation in 2006 and was also named one of Australia’s Top 100 Women of Influence and an Australia Business Woman of the Year Finalist. Rabia is committed to peace, gender equality, inclusion and education. She is a mother to young triplet boys.

Kirstin is a clinical and forensic psychologist with 20 years’ experience. She is the owner of Life Resolutions Morley and Wembley and leads a team of six psychologists who work across both practices. Kirstin also owns The Conscious Mother, a heart-centred business supporting women at all stages of their motherhood journey, whether they are experiencing difficulties or not. Kirstin has authored The Conscious Mother: A simple guide to mothering with self-awareness, authenticity, confidence and connectedness, and has recently launched her online program #motherhoodonline. She also facilitates four-day The Conscious Mother retreats in Perth and on the East Coast to give mothers the opportunity to connect with one another and grow in ways they never expected.

Having these three women in one place at the same time is a phenomenon. This day will be significant and will change your life. Both men and women are invited, so be intentional about Saturday 13 May at Lifestreams Christian Church from 9am. You can get tickets here: Women4Women Conference

You Can Never Be Too Poor…

Times are tough. This is always going to be true for someone, somewhere in the world. Even if the global markets were growing at record rates, things would be hard for some sections of the community. If my one term of Economics at University taught me anything, it’s that growth in one area usually means that other areas of the economy may be struggling. It’s a delicate balance but when things are tough we can hope that another part of the market will expand.

When times are financially tight, we adjust our budgets and often the money that we have allocated for giving is repurposed. If the Federal Government is any example, then you can hardly blame people for doing this (Australia now gives less in Foreign Aid than in any time through the 60 years that Australia has been supplying aid). Let us also not forget that, ranked according to Gross Domestic Product per capita, Australia is the 15th wealthiest nation in the world. Not bad for 24 million people floating on an isolated island in the Southern Hemisphere. Even if we weren’t in the top 20 wealthy nations, we can always find room to give.

Don’t get me wrong, there is wisdom in handling our money well but being generous is a core part of being financially wise. There is a World Giving Index which measures the generosity of each country based on an average score of the amount of people who have helped a stranger, donated money and volunteered some time in the last month. For the third year running, the most generous country in the world is Myanmar. I know, I was surprised too. Sure, the US, Australia and New Zealand make out the rest of the top 4 but Sri Lanka is number 5. Also, the most generous country when it comes to helping a stranger is Iraq. Think about that for a while. If you could nominate of a country that might possibly have an excuse for not trusting a stranger enough to help them out, surely Iraq would be at the top of that list. But no, 81% of Iraqis had helped a stranger in the last 30 days. You don’t need to have all the money in the world to be generous.

Giving is a part of life. Generosity is a life philosophy. What I have learnt from those living in some of the poorest parts of the world is that you can never be too poor to be generous. The amount of money you earn does not shape how generous you are, your mindset does.

You can start being generous now.

 

Happy “Aussie Battler” Day

Most call it Australia Day, some call it Invasion Day and others call it a day off work. It’s our annual day of confusion that we celebrate with BBQ’s, beach, cricket and Australian Flags draped or temporarily tattooed on sunburnt bodies.

Whichever way it is perceived and celebrated, the intention of this national public holiday is to, according to the official Australia Day website, “encourage a sense of national unity and belonging by promoting and engendering alignment with core Australian values”, whatever that means.

The core Australian values are as follows…

Respect – of self, of others, of law and the environment we all live in

Tolerance – of difference and freedom of each individual

Fair go – both in the way we act but also in providing opportunity for all

Mateship – Spirit of egalitarianism and compassion for those in need

On the face of it these are worthy values to uphold and as egalitarian Australians we like to consider that most of the time they are achieved.

Probably one of the core Australian values that isn’t mentioned on website is the mentality of being an ‘Aussie Battler’, or the underdog. This has given strength to our country over a number of decades as we have created a great nation out of some convicts and other random travellers. The flipside to this mentality is that we seem to be against those who aren’t ‘battlers’, those who are better off than we are, which actually is contradictory to the values stated above. I didn’t know what poppies were when I was growing up, but I knew that the ‘Tall Poppy Syndrome’ was real and I was happily part of that culture.

We find ourselves living in tension, wanting to respect, tolerate, provide opportunities and compassion for other Australians and people from all walks of life (I’m not sure if this stops at the Australian border – the website didn’t specify how far the values were to reach), but at the same time tearing down anyone who is too successful or gets too far ahead of us. We are a complicated people. In case you have ever wondered why we struggle to find quality leaders in our country, you can thank our ability to cut people down when they start to stand out. We have killed them off before they had a chance to flourish.

Australia has grown into a very different place in my lifetime and the average ‘Aussie Battler’ is earning $78,832 a year which is more than 99.7% of the rest of the world, according to globalrichlist.com. What this means is that we have become the tall poppies to over 7.2 billion other people. (To be honest, it has probably been that way for a long time, but we now have more information that tells us that).

I think it is well past the time when we forgo the underdog mentality, because we are not an underdog, and we should lose the Tall Poppy Syndrome, because we are the tall poppies. It is time to increase our focus on celebrating the success of people who are leading the way and at the same time to look for those who are struggling around us so we can lift them up. It shouldn’t be that hard, there are 7.2 billion of them around the world. How you do that is up to you. For me, it is about empowering women to work their way out of poverty through the work of Opportunity International Australia. I encourage you to join me as a way to embody respect, tolerance, a fair go and mateship.

Generosity Gym

The idea of a fresh start is appealing. A clean slate from which we can start again to create the life that that we want.

In theory that is what the new year brings to us every December 31. As part of that process of renewal, I am sure that ‘join a gym’ is on the list of many people thinking about what a healthy lifestyle looks like for them. I have known many people who joined a gym, signed up to fitness classes or purchased a bike/treadmill/weights with the greatest of intentions. For some it has worked, but for the majority it has been less than successful and they are left questioning their wisdom and financial outlay. Perhaps you have been there yourself and that is something you remember as you think about what can be different in 2017.

Now it can be easy to use these experiences to justify not trying for any change in 2017, saving yourself money and time, but let me encourage you to still join the gym. It’s a new kind, which doesn’t require you to learn how to use fancy equipment, stand next to super fit and healthy people or feel any guilt whatsoever. I call it the Generosity Gym (patent pending…may need a catchier name) – a place where you train yourself through giving. There is such a thing as a ‘giving muscle’ and just the same as any other muscle, if don’t use it, you lose it. The benefits are numerous, including feeling good about yourself and your place in the world and making the world a better place for others. Working out your giving muscle actually makes life better.

Instead of paying out large sums of money for a membership to a corporation that you will most likely have to cancel anyway, you can pay that money to an organisation that is changing the lives of mothers living in poverty, by empowering them through a small loan. What better way to start the new year than by using what you have to reach out beyond yourself for the benefit of others.

It doesn’t take much either, $70 can provide 1 loan for a mother living in poverty in India, Indonesia or the Philippines. This will enable her to start a business, put food on the table and send her children to school. The average price of gym memberships in Australia is $65 a month, so you could potentially provide a loan every month and with a repayment rate of 98% the impact is ongoing.

If you are still keen to join the gym and are convinced that you can see it through, you’ll be happy to know that you can look after your body and give generously at the same time.

Happy New Year!

 

Don’t Be Stingy.

I feel the tension at this time of year. Often the news will report on how many billions of dollars that Australians spend on Christmas related paraphernalia, gifts, food etc. and it is hard to stomach. Whilst giving gifts to each other is great, the sheer enormity of some of the unnecessary stuff that we buy sets my thought process into a negative place where I imagine what that money could do if it was spent in other ways. How much emergency aid and relief it could give, how many small loans could be distributed to those living in poverty so they can start a business, or how many refugees that could house. We could choose to put our money towards these things, but we choose to spend it on Christmas. That’s what we want to do.

The tension I feel is related to celebrations and how important they are in building relationships, strong communities and social capital. It is incredibly valuable to celebrate the annual festivals that we have in our calendar, because that is a part of our culture and makes up some of our identity.

So I sit with the tension.

Then I realise that it is ok that this tension exists. Because it is not necessary for us to choose between the two options. We don’t have to be generous with our money to care for the poor at the cost of celebrating. We also don’t have to celebrate Christmas and leave the poor outside, cold and hungry. We can do both.

There is a strong Jewish tradition which encourages the people, when celebrating festivals, to do so with your family, friends and household, and to extend it even further than that.

“This festival will be a happy time of celebrating with your sons and daughters, your male and female servants, and the Levites, foreigners, orphans, and widows from your towns.” Deuteronomy 16:14

They have a good balance. One that says we have the freedom to celebrate and enjoy the festivities together without the feeling of guilt, because this is good for us, our families and our community. At the same time, we can find ways to be generous to the poor in our celebrations. How this is done is non-prescriptive. Some people I know buy gifts that empower the poor on behalf of others, others host countless people for a Christmas meal, and still others volunteer their time on Christmas day. What it looks like for you is your call. But let me encourage you to find a nice balance this year, where you can celebrate and be generous to the poor at the same time.

So, don’t be stingy with your celebrations, and don’t be stingy with your generosity this Christmas.

Merry Christmas!

Electricity Isn’t Sexy…

It’s not, to most of us.

When it comes to not-for-profit organisations, the majority of people are not excited by the idea of lights being turned on, or computers and printers being plugged into the wall. To be honest, the imagery isn’t great and it reminds me of the tedium one would experience if they worked at Dunder Mifflan in Slough.

What excites me, and most people that I talk to, are stories of transformation where money given to a charity has changed the life of the recipient, or rescued them from a dire and needless situation. People being helped and receiving love because of a gift. That’s what fundraising is all about. Leave the information about electricity out of it.

I’ll let you in on a secret – electricity make the stories come to light (not even an intentional pun…). Without lights and power for computers and printers, then the stories of transformation and life altering development work simply would not exist. You can’t tell a story without the means to discover a need, figure out how to meet that need and then assess how it all went in your attempts to do that. Guess what? It all takes electricity.

Electricity is just one example of the un-sexy side of charities and not-for-profits. There are also reports and spreadsheets (oh so many spreadsheets) and emails. All of this, plus much more, works together to create the brilliant outcomes of transformation and then to tell people the story.

The un-sexy stuff is what most people call the “admin costs”. I know of some people who donate to charities and request that their entire donation amount goes towards covering the “admin costs”. Electricity, among other things. They are unusual but they are not strange. They understand that even though it seems un-sexy, it is absolutely vital to the work in the field. In the case of Opportunity International, the 4 million clients who currently have a small loan to start a business and work their way out of poverty, simply would not be able to do that if it wasn’t for the ‘admin cost’. Funding the un-sexy stuff in the office is part of the bigger picture of how we change the world.

Peanuts = Monkeys

I feel like we have all heard it said, ‘You have to spend money to make money’. This is true on many levels, but how do we feel about that when it is used in reference with a not-for-profit organisation? Can charities say that?

Let’s think of it this way – if there is a charity that no one has ever heard of, they will not receive any funding. A charity that has second rate staff is not going to create trust and therefore will not receive ongoing funding. A charity that is not working effectively because of lack of resources is going to waste money and will not receiving ongoing funding.

Dan Pallotta called this issue out in his TED talk (you should really watch it). The way we think about charity is wrong.

“You want to make 50 million dollars selling violent video games to kids, go for it, we’ll put you on the cover of wired magazine, but you want to make half a million dollars trying to cure kids of malaria you are considered a parasite yourself.” Dan Pallotta

Somewhere along the line we have decided that we need to choose between either doing well for ourselves and our family or doing good for the world and that somehow these two outcomes cannot exist within the same paradigm. It’s a belief system that makes sure that charities and other not-for-profits don’t grow too big and challenge the power of the for-profit sector.

Dan points out that this mentality can be traced back to the religious experience of penance from 400 years ago. There is a long history of making money and then carrying a feeling of guilt because a profit was earned. Some of that guilt was warranted as the profit was earned off the backs of slaves and the poor, but some of the guilt was an unnecessary burden placed on people because of their understanding of who God is. Regardless of the reason, giving to charity was the method used to ease one’s conscience. Charity, therefore, could not turn a profit because then it would cease to serve the purpose of paying for the individuals ‘sinful’ money making. Whilst I would suggest that much of the thinking around business and turning a profit has changed, the feeling about charities spending too much money, getting too big, or their employees earning too much has not.

It is important to be wise with the money that people give but our thinking does need to shift. Overhead costs, including staff wages, are part of the program costs and ‘admin’ is not a necessary evil which we don’t like to acknowledge. It is part of the program itself.

If you pay peanuts you will get monkeys. It may not be true all the time. Some may take a pay cut to work in the nonprofit sector for a period of time but you will always lose the good ones eventually. Our society shouldn’t have to make the choice between doing well for themselves and their family, or doing good for the world. They are not mutually exclusive.

Money, Sex and Chocolate…wait, what?

Often people will give a long list of benefits for giving money away, including the amount of help that it provides to people who are ‘less fortunate’.

But ultimately you should give money away because it is good for you. It makes you happy. True story.

There have been a number of studies done and they tell us these things…

Donating to charity makes us feel good. One study found that when people donated to a worthy cause the area of their brain responsible for cravings and pleasure rewards ‘lit up’. That is the same area of the brain that is active during sex and consuming chocolate; meaning that there is a pleasurable feeling when we give money away. The same study tells us that giving money away gives us the same feeling as ingesting an addictive drug or learning you have won the lottery. It’s good.

Secondly, giving to a worthy cause increases our happiness.

In another study, a group of people were given some money, either $5 or $20. One group was told to spend the money on themselves, by paying a bill or spending it on some sort of an expense or even a gift for themselves. The second group was instructed to spend the money on someone else or to make a charitable donation. The end result was that at the end of the day the second group was happier. Yep. The group that spent the money on someone else or made a charitable donation had a brighter perception of the world than the first group who spent the money on themselves.

The secret is that people feel good about themselves when they give, it strengthens social connections and the good feeling of giving lasts longer than the ‘hit’ we receive when we buy something for ourselves.

So, giving money away makes us feel good and makes us happier people, and it is cheaper and less damaging than addictive drugs. This is brand new information but sometimes we forget these things.

Want to feel good? Looking to be happier? Why not give some money now – www.opportunity.org.au

 

Risky…

Generosity is risky. It costs something when we give, be it our time, money or energy. Beyond that initial cost, what if our generosity is accepted without gratitude, or not accepted at all, or thrown back in our face? Experiencing that sort of rejection can be one of our greatest fears.

Galatians 5:14 reads,

For the whole law can be summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbour as yourself”

This is a huge statement. Essentially it is saying that if ever you were looking for a guideline on how to live this life, then ‘treat others how you want to be treated’ is it. But it carries a level of risk because there is no guarantee that if we treat others how we want to be treated, that we will actually be treated well or loved in return. Our love may not be accepted with appropriate gratitude, or it may not be accepted at all, or even thrown back in our face with spite. So we end up treating people differently to how we want to be treated because we are afraid. Afraid we won’t be loved back, or that we will miss out on good things. In some cases, that fear is based on reality but this behaviour is counter-productive and quickly leads to a downward spiral of hate and distrust.

This fear feeds into how we think about finances and business too.

For many of us when we give money away, it is a sacrifice and it is a deeply personal thing. It’s almost as if we give part of ourselves in the process. If it is not accepted how we would like it to be, or even rejected, we can feel rejected personally. It’s a risk.

Or when people think about business, and getting ahead, often the mentality is that it must come at the cost of someone else. For me to succeed, someone else must fail, and there is a win-lose mentality. But in reality, the opposite is true – real success is when we all do well; when businesses and organisations care for their communities and put the well-being of others before a greater profit. When we all do well the flow on effects create a positive and more stable economic environment and when we honour God by loving our neighbour, He honours us (1st Samuel 2:30). Plus, we can’t forget that when we give generously of our money, time or effort, for the benefit of others, we actually receive the feeling of fulfillment and achievement, and begin to connect with our greater purpose in this life.

Ultimately, If we wish to see improvement in our world, we are required to take a leap and be generous with our treatment of people, to love them before they have had a chance to love us. We know it will cost us time, money and energy, but the alternative to “love your neighbour as yourself” is a response that assumes the worst of people instead of seeking to bring out their best.

Now, if someone is able to help me figure out just how to do that, then that would be great.