Tag: Giving

More valuable than money

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“Time is money.”

“Money doesn’t grow on trees.”

“There is no such thing as a free lunch.”

“I don’t get out of bed for less than…”

“What’s your hourly rate?”

All of these phrases you would have heard of. All of them are either untrue or unhelpful.

There is no doubt that money is a significant part of our lives. We genuinely can’t live without it. We spend most of our waking hours working to get it, then spending in, then wondering where it went. I shudder to think about the amount of spreadsheets that are used globally to track it and attempt to predict it, mostly inaccurately.

But there is more to life than money. I am definitely not the first person to say that. What does it mean though? What is this ‘more to life’ that people talk about?

It means that there are other things in life that are a more important filter to help decide how we spend our time, or what we put our money to, or who we want to become.

As James Clear says, “Nobody will ever pay you to go on a date with your spouse or take your kids to the park or grab coffee with your parents.”

Being generous with our money, time and attention will help to shape a life outside of money. It will be well rounded. It will have purpose. It will bring joy.

Generosity is Inefficient

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I love efficiency. Especially with time. I love to kill two birds with one stone (metaphorically speaking). Whether that’s by listening to podcasts in the gym, or while driving, or while walking, or if it is by working in a café (which is actually three birds – coffee, work and atmosphere). There are important things, that I love to do, which, if I can do them at the same time as something else, then I feel like I am winning at life.

Cal Newport, author of Deep Work, and many other people, suggest that multitasking doesn’t exist. We might think that we are doing two or more things at once, but in reality, we are switching between tasks and giving nothing our full attention. That might be fine for listening to podcasts whilst working out, but for creative work, or work that requires some deep thought then we are not giving it our best. It feels efficient, but it is the opposite of that.

In my efficiency drive, I miss things in the periphery. I miss down time. I miss the stress behind the slack message from my colleague. I miss the sub-text behind what my child just said. I miss the gap that is growing between me and my wife. I miss how I am feeling.

It takes some “inefficiency” to begin to catch what I am missing. It takes some space, which requires consciously not doing a task, or listening to a thing, or worrying about an upcoming commitment.

This kind of inefficiency is generous – to those around us and to ourselves. The generosity of presence.

Kindness Regret

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The only time I have ever had regrets about kindness was when I didn’t show it. I have never regretted being too kind to someone, even if it wasn’t received well.

There are plenty of times that I regret not giving the benefit of the doubt or not giving someone another chance or not using kinder words.

I still have this fear of being taken advantage of. I don’t want to be considered a ‘sucker’, or to be duped into an internet scam. Sure, my cynicism has kept me safe so far, but what am I missing out on by thinking that I have to either be cautious or kind? Isn’t it possible to be both?

Kindness isn’t blind. Kindness isn’t weak. Kindness doesn’t have to happen without wisdom or caution. You can be both kind and strong, principled and have boundaries.

Being kind can mean saying no sometimes. It can mean asking challenging questions. It can mean expecting more from someone. But always coming from a place of care and compassion for others.

All that aside, I think that ff someone was to ever criticise me for being too kind, then I think I have won at life.

Which way?

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In my opinion he was the greatest Captain the Australian Cricket team has ever seen. Before Steve Waugh stepped into that role, he was part of the Australian tour of India in 1998. They were playing a test match in Kolkata which they lost badly, with one day to spare. Steve used that extra day to visit a clinic for children with leprosy. What he saw changed his perspective and his life, saying that the things he witnessed, he “…couldn’t just dismiss and pretend I didn’t see”.

So moved was he that he helped to raise money for the clinic that he visited, and over time he also created the Steve Waugh Foundation which helps to improve the quality of life for children and young people living with rare diseases.

Losing a game of cricket at an international level is tough, no doubt about it, but not as tough as what some people go through every day. He could have chosen to sit in his hotel room, maybe spend some time by the pool and drown his sorrows, but he chose to focus on other people and it changed everything.

Where we look shapes how we see the world. If we are always looking at those who have more than us then we will always feel a lack. But when we shift our gaze to those who have less then we will feel that we have plenty, which is the birthplace of gratitude, out of which grows generosity.

Which way are you looking?

Not Everything that Counts…

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We can measure dollars and cents. Things with a numerical value that add up, subtract, divide and multiply (you know how math works). This is the easiest stuff to measure. We can count it. But does it really count? Does it really matter?

Often the most important things in life cannot be counted or measured. For example, we can’t measure the psychological impact on a mother who has started her own business, is now able to provide an income for her family ensuring her kids can go to school and is paying the loan back which got her started. I can tell you that we know that she is a different person now as she lifts her family out of poverty. We know she is having a positive impact. We just don’t know how to fully measure it. There is no graph that can measure every good thing that happens now, from the daily difference in their family interactions to the long-term impact her children will have in the world now they are getting an education. Measuring loan size and repayment rate just doesn’t seem to do it justice.

Even so, now, she is a better mum, a better business owner, a better member of the community and a better global citizen. She makes our world a better place because someone donated some dollars and cents, and the outcome is worth far more than the initial amount of money.

Raise Kind Billionaires

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Before they were world famous, super wealthy, world shaping icons, the world’s richest people were babies, and toddlers, and teenagers. They were shaped by the people closest to them, values were instilled, and beliefs were modelled. How they turned out was heavily influenced by their upbringing.

For example, Bill Gates was always going to give away all his money because that is what he learned from his mother. Whether he became a billionaire or not, generosity was one of his values. Thank God for his mother’s influence (…and maybe his fathers? I don’t know much about that).

You see that small child in front of you, the one in your house that you love so deeply and drives you completely mad that it hurts your head? Or the kid next door? They could be one of the next billionaires in our world. Most likely they will make more money that you. Instil in them the value of generosity now so that it stays with them their whole life, and if they happen to be the richest person in the world they can change it for the better through their giving. Even if they don’t become the richest person in the world, they can still make it a better place through generosity.

Giving in Australia is going up and down. Less people are giving but the ones that are giving, are giving more.

You can shape that culture and it starts with your kids. Teach them about generosity and in doing so, it will make them a kinder person and our world a little bit better.

There is no competition

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Ryan Holiday, an author, says that “Authors are not in competition with each other. They are in competition with people not reading.”

He is not busy trying to promote his books at the cost of other authors and their books, bad-mouthing them and discouraging people from buying them. In fact, he owns a bookstore and actively promotes other authors and their work.

In his mind, the more people who read, the better, regardless of the book. I whole heartedly agree.

In the same way, charities are not in competition with other charities. They are in competition with people not giving. So, I don’t try to promote Opportunity International Australia at the cost of other charities, bad-mouthing them and discouraging people from giving to them. There have been times when I’ve notice that Opportunity is not a fit for a particular supporter – their passion does not align with the work that Opportunity does, and I have suggested other organisations they can give to. I also encourage people have a portfolio of organisations that they support through their giving so that their impact can be spread across a few different areas because we are more than just ‘single-issue’ people.

In my mind, the more people who give to charity, the better, regardless of the organisation. I hope you whole heartedly agree.

With, or without, her spoon, she is right

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My favourite part about watching my son run around the track at his athletics club is that it’s not important who crosses the finish line first. The focus is on getting the best out of yourself and going for a Personal Best (PB) time. I love seeing him run faster, throw, and jump further than he has ever run before. He is excited by that as well as he discovers that he is capable of so much more than he thought possible.

Sometimes he wins, sometimes he doesn’t, but it doesn’t matter, he is only competing against himself. The strength of that attitude is that it leaves space for more than one person to win in any race. It is not a zero-sum game, but it’s a place of growth, a place of development, a place of abundance.

We might think that type of attitude has no place outside of kids’ athletics, but it is truly how we can live our whole lives.

In a world where we live with the philosophy of “survival of the fittest” (which is a sham by the way), we are taking the easy way out. It’s easy when all you have to do is try and just be a little bit better than the other team, the other person, the other organisation, we do improve but only incrementally.

If we shifted our focus from trying to be a little bit better than someone else, and begin to imagine what we are capable of, then we realise that we can always get better compared to what we have done before and we are capable of so much more than we think is possible.

Mostly, just because someone else is doing well, it doesn’t mean that we lose out. There isn’t a limited amount of success in the world, there is an abundance meaning we can celebrate when other people are doing well and strive to get our own PB.

As Reese Witherspoon said, “Someone else’s success isn’t impeding mine”.

I Didn’t Win Again?

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There’s the old story of a man sitting in front of the tv watching the lotto numbers be read out and exclaiming, ‘Dammit, I didn’t win again!’

The response then comes from his partner, ‘I keep telling you Albert, you have to buy a ticket first!’

The arrogance of someone expecting to win something that they haven’t even entered is funny for the onlooker and sad for those involved.

But at some level we all do that. We can all expect an outcome without putting in the work beforehand. Expecting to get a promotion without putting in the hard work previously. Expecting to lose weight without eating well and exercising. Expecting to win an event without training. Expecting that the world will come calling without spending the time creating and preparing. Expecting to win the respect of others without first showing respect to people.

First, we do the work, then the outcomes happen. Not all outcomes are guaranteed though, but if the work is done first then the likelihood of an expected outcome is much higher.

One outcome that is guaranteed is the outcome of generosity. Once you are generous you feel good, you help the world be a better place and create good things all around you. You don’t even need to buy a ticket, just give some money away.

No matter where you go, there you are…

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If you are worrying about money now, thinking that if you can just get through the next few months and everything will be fine, you are wrong.

If you worry today, you will worry tomorrow.

If you put things off today, you will put things off tomorrow.

If you are stingy today, you will be stingy tomorrow.

If you are generous today, you will be generous tomorrow.

It’s not about your circumstances, it’s about how you are responding to them and it’s about who you are when you respond.

Hoping that your circumstances will change tomorrow won’t help you feel better, or more relaxed, or more organised, or more generous today.

Change always starts today, right now.

So, become the type of person who doesn’t get anxious about finances, or who is not worried by the challenges we face in life, or who is organised or who is generous.

How? That’s the funny thing; I think you already know the answer to that.

Usually, the starting point is the answer to this question – what are you avoiding?

It doesn’t matter where you go in life, or what circumstances you find yourself in, ‘you’ will always be there. Become the type of ‘you’ that you want.