Tag: opinion

“I don’t care what anyone thinks” …well that’s not true.

Published on by Kieran Johnson - The Generosity GuyLeave a comment

I knew even as the words were still on my lips that it wasn’t true. Who was I kidding? Even as a teenager I knew that I was frightfully afraid of what other people thought of me. They call it FOPO, Fear of Other People’s Opinions.

I think now I am a little less afraid , but it depends on the day and the weather and the amount of coffee I have had. I do want to get to the point where I legitimately don’t care what other people think, but I’m not sure that’s possible, or entirely healthy.

Regardless of that, I want to get to a place where I care more about what I think of me. I want my opinion of me to be solid and fair and generous. If I can get there, then it matters not what others say and think, or at least it matters less.

In reality I’m not sure that my opinion of me will be solid and fair and generous, at least not all the time.

But, along this journey, I think I will limit the people’s opinions that I care about to those closest to me and those that know me the best. They have earned the right to have an opinion.

That COVID ‘Cr@p’

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Not everyone will agree with you.

I understand that. I experience that from time to time. Recently I have had a handful of conversations about the legitimacy of the pandemic, the vaccines, the governments response and the government itself. Normally I take it in my stride, recognise that nothing I am going to say to that person will change their mind and nothing they will say to me will get me closer to agreeing with them. So I hear them out, say thanks for sharing and finish the conversation.

A few weeks back I was talking with someone about donating money and their response was, if they donated, “I don’t want it to go to that Covid crap. I want it to help people not kill them.”

This comment stung and it made me so angry.

That covid crap which has killed millions worldwide.

Which has crippled economies and health care systems.

Which devastated India this year.

Which is currently ravaging through Indonesia.

Which has kept millions of families apart.

That covid crap?

We may have different opinions on this. Not everyone has had the same experience of it. But Opportunity International Australia has lost staff members in the field, family members of staff, and clients to this pandemic. Calling it covid crap is pretty rich as you sit in your ivory tower of Australia.

Somehow I managed to keep calm, thank them for their time and respond out of generosity. But some days this is harder than others.

Power Over Others is Weakness

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“Power over others is weakness disguised as strength.” Eckart Tolle

It’s obvious when it happens to other people. I can see it as clear as day, and I can’t figure out why they can’t.

A negative comment, a harsh opinion, and quite frankly, offensive words, from someone that is unknown to the individual. Someone that hasn’t earned the right to have any opinion that carries weight, but still it upsets. In that moment they are allowing this anonymous person to have power over them, and that anonymous person is stepping into that position of power by taking on a role of ‘expert’.

The truth is this: anything that is said or done, especially from someone whom you do not know, has nothing to do with you or your behaviour, and is all about the other person and their issues. Their pain and insecurity is overflowing and manifesting as judgement and outrage.

It is easy to see when it is happening to others, but when it happens to you, when someone judges you for something you say or do or write, it is a lot more challenging to not be swayed by ‘public opinion’. It can be difficult to not give someone power over how we feel.

It is even harder to spot when you are the perpetrator of that ‘public opinion’. When you are tearing someone down because of their ‘awful’ behaviour sometimes it is almost impossible to see that your pain and insecurity is overflowing on to others. That feeling of power and influence is intoxicating.

Power is an illusion. We seek it and wield it because it can help us feel strong, but ‘power over others is weakness disguised as strength’.

True strength comes from humility. It comes from generosity. It comes from lifting others up. It takes great strength to not be swayed by ‘public opinion’ and secure in your own identity.

If you are in a position of power, or a seeking a position of power, perhaps take a moment and discover what area of weakness you are trying to cover up.

The Generosity of Perspective

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We know that other people see things differently from us. There are many different opinions about food, weather, raising children, pets, politics, movies, clothes, ice cream – everything.

We have no control over someone else’s perspective on life. We are unable to change their perspective, no matter how much we might want to.

What we do have control over is how we respond to their perspective and opinion.

We can do this well by asking one question – where do my own opinions come from?

As we begin to unpack that question and realise that our perspectives and opinions grow out of every single life experience we have ever had, then we can start to understand a little of how someone else can be so different from us. Their life journey has taken them down different paths, they have different values, they see things through different filters.

What is more challenging is when someone we know shares many of the same opinions that we do, except for one or two major issues in life. This can lead to strained relationships because ‘how can someone that is so much like me, think like this?’.

Someone once told me that the best way to approach marriage is to find the most optimistic reason why your spouse does the things that they do. In doing so, you don’t end up creating a mystical, negative narrative about someone you love, and it gives you the opportunity to discover more about them. This philosophy is not just for marriage relationships – it is helpful for all human interaction.

Just because people think or behave (or vote) differently to us, it doesn’t mean that they are evil, it means we don’t understand them yet.

We don’t have to agree with someone’s opinion to understand them.