We love a good crowd fund. Something that goes viral, a
story of overwhelming hardship, of incredible difficulty and of selfless
commitment. It seems to be the way that fundraising is heading; giving money
directly to the recipient who needs it without all the hassle and rigmarole of the
charity organisation taking out their cut and slowing down the process. This
way, 100% (minus the website fees of course) goes straight to the people who
need it. Isn’t that what we all want?
But where does the 100% (minus the website fee of course) actually go to? Who is making sure that there is a real need for this request? Who is working out if there is a better way to meet the need or not? Who is tracking how the money is spent, if it really gets spent on what people were giving to? Who is monitoring the outcomes of this whole process? In the long run, is this process helping or is it causing more damage? Does that matter to people when they donate? Should it?
There is something to be said for a report. It doesn’t sound
sexy, but finding out if you are making a difference when you donate money is
surely the greatest return on your gift, rather than just assuming that you are
making a difference.
Tim Costello, previous Chief Advocate for World Vision
Australia, would tell the story of when someone wanted to give a large amount
of money to the organisation but only if 100% of it went to the programs in
Africa. Tim said ‘Sure. You hand me a cheque and I will post it to Africa for
you. What happens to it when it gets there? I don’t know. But at least we will
know that 100% of it went there’.
There is nothing wrong with crowd funding to help people, in
fact it can be amazing, but let’s not confuse it with sustainable development
and long-term growth. It costs money to work out what people’s needs are. It
costs money to figure out the best way to meet those needs with respect,
dignity and in a sustainable fashion. It costs money to ask the hard questions
after a project has taken place to really discover if the desired outcomes have
been met. All of this is not able to come from a crowd funding site…yet.
There are numerous studies on the impact that generosity has
on people. It’s almost beyond a joke now. Generosity makes you feel better,
makes you feel happier, is good for your mental health and can make you live
longer. What more evidence do you need?
I’m glad you asked, because, there is more…
It turns out that, as well as all the afore mentioned benefits, being generous also allows you to have better relationships with your friends and sleep better.
But, again, there is more. After gaining better friendships and waking up so well rested, if you continue on your merry way of generosity you will feel more confident and less loathing of yourself. That’s right, ‘generosity is a natural confidence builder and natural repellent of self hatred’.
How is this all possible? It really comes down to the effect
that it has on our minds as we do something for someone else. That process of
thinking outside of ourselves, even if is brief, when done over a period of
time, changes our perspective on our lives, problems and difficulties, helping
us see the word with clearer vision and a better sense of reality.
Having a fight with a friend? Give some money away.
Having trouble sleeping? Give some money away.
Want to build confidence and hate yourself less? Give some
Now, being generous is more than just giving money away, but
that is the easiest place to start. Being intentional about doing something for
someone else gives you control – you take ownership of that part of your life
and the effects are far and wide.
It is easy to call someone names. It is simple to see one thing that a person does and create a story about who they are – judge them on their behaviours. It is much harder to get to know the person, understand their journey to this point, and even empathise with them as to why they sometimes behave the way they do. But isn’t that what we all want? We can be so quick to judge people around us but expect everyone to see us for who we really are, as complex human beings, rather than as the sum of some of the stupid things we do.
There are grave dangers around what we can do to each other when we are not connected, we don’t know each other and the stories that make up our identity, and we don’t understand the intrinsic value that each person carries within them.
So, I have been thinking about how I engage with people and
topics, especially online. Perhaps you may find this valuable.
Rules of engagement:
- If someone has not travelled with you through your journey of crap and disfunction, if they haven’t sat with you when you are at your worst, celebrated with you when you are at your best and dreamed with you during the times in between, they have no right to offer their opinion on what you should do. People will still offer their opinions, but you only get to listen to the ones that come from the people who have earned it.
- Keep your political and social opinion to yourself. The only time you should share your opinion is if it is not set in concrete and can be shaped by what other people think and feel. This is called a discussion. It is a wonderful place were people are free to disagree with each other, challenge thinking and behaviour and are encouraged to own it when they think they have been wrong about something. It is a place where a person’s ideals and opinions are separated from their value as a human being – meaning that a person can say something, do something or think something that some might consider not nice or unhelpful, but they are not considered bad or evil. They are, like all of us, on a journey of growth and improvement. Because, let’s face it, in a few minutes it is likely we will be saying something, doing something or thinking something not nice or unhelpful.
- If you do not like something on television for whatever reason, don’t watch it, don’t talk about it, don’t post on social media about it. Don’t give it air to exist. Instead focus on creating the type of content that you want to see. Act out of positivity and creativity rather than out of negativity.
- Most of all, seek to connect and engage with other people and their story. Everything that everyone does makes sense to them. If you don’t understand them yet, ask more questions.
Is it possible that you don’t have to pick sides? I hope so.
Can I care about people living in poverty in other countries
and also those living in poverty in Australia? Are they really mutually
I know of a wealthy businessman and philanthropist who gives
money to support single mothers with children suffering from a disability…and
that’s it. That is his focus. People will talk to him about cancer and other
health charities, kids charities and even couples with children suffering from
a disability, but he wont give to them because it doesn’t fall in line with his
generosity focus. It doesn’t mean he has no heart. In fact he cares very deeply
for all these issues but his choice is made.
I have discovered that there is a difference between being selective with the organisations that I support and not caring. My absolute desire is to end poverty, with a specific focus on developing countries and that is what I put all my energy towards. That doesn’t mean that I don’t care about finding a cure for cancer…and research suggests that you have more of an impact by giving greater amounts to a few charities rather than small amounts to many charities.
The true call of generosity is to open your heart to those
that are hurting, suffering injustice, or are battling in the face of severe
obstacles. To be able to sit in that space and connect with what their
experience would be like. You don’t have to fix the situation, but just be
willing to encounter it. Out of that experience, you may want to do something
to help, or not, that’s okay, just ensure that you are giving back to something.
It is a risk to open yourself up to those who are in need,
it can be painful, but if we can live our lives with that as a focus then
generosity will be the outcome.
We are discovering that money, whilst it can’t buy long term happiness, can in fact buy short term happiness (happiness blips), if we spend it on the right thing. Things like the right experience which can create a memory that last a lifetime, rather than a physical thing that depreciates and collects dust over a lifetime. Also, spending money on specific brands – you know, the ones that go out of their way to create a relationship with you which build a customer loyalty bordering on the fanatical. Or on those larger purchases that we have been dreaming of for a long time – big screen TV, or the furniture we have been waiting so long for. These can all create some form of happiness.
But, to get the best form of happiness from money, and to discover the key to a meaningful life, is to spend money on someone else. Studies have suggested this for a while, that we can find happiness in a generous act, and that as our incomes increase the levels of happiness we experience do not correlate. Meaning that our level of happiness does not increase at the same rate as our level of income – there is a certain point when our income level has no impact on how happy we. Perhaps that is because we are not spending our money on things that will create happiness, or perhaps it’s what Dave Ramsay suggests,
“Money won’t make you happy. Money just makes you more of what you already are”.
To find happiness and real purpose with our money is to spend
it on someone else, donate it to charity or otherwise give it away. This will
dramatically increases our level of happiness. Doing it once might make you
happy for a day, but making it a lifelong habit can make a lasting difference
in your life, and the lives of others.
“You don’t need to become a self-sacrificing martyr to feel happier. Just being a little more generous will suffice,” says Prof. Phillipe Tobler.
What is the secret to a long life? People love to search for that life hack that we can use which will magically make us live past 100. I’m sure you have seen the stories on the news of a person who has reached the amazing century and they all get asked what their secret is. There answers are usually anything from eating well, to getting enough sleep, or walking regularly, or never fighting with friends, or eating sushi everyday (to be honest, I think that last one was from a guy in Japan so it may not be relevant).
What if there was something else? What if we have been
missing a key ingredient?
I think we have…and it is generosity.
Not only does generosity make you feel good and increase happiness, we now know that it can make you live longer. A recent study discovered that those who participated in acts of generosity (giving of time and money to others) had reduced stress levels which is a known risk factor for many diseases. But not a minor reduction in stress, their generosity had reduced their stress levels so much that it was no longer a factor in predicting their mortality. Meaning that for those people, stress had been taken off the list of things that could kill them. Their generosity reduced their mortality rate more than exercising four times a week and going to church regularly (which both improve mental health and longevity – so perhaps do all of the above).
So, if you are looking for a long, happy and healthy life,
discover how you can be a little more generous.
It is something that studies have revealed frequently over the last decade, generosity is good for you. It feels good and it improves happiness.
It also turns out that the specific type of generous act can have an impact as well. A study was done to see what happens to the brain when people act generously. People were given the opportunity to give money to someone that they knew (someone they had been introduced to in the study) who needed it, a charity or to themselves. Now it is no surprise that when the study participants chose to give money to someone they knew who needed it, or to a charity, they felt good – better than when they gave it to themselves. The areas of the brain that ‘lit up’ where those that are linked to the reward system, providing a feeling of satisfaction and happiness. This is a common finding in a number of studies.
What was surprising is that when the participants chose to
give money to someone that they knew, this action, which is called targeted
support, was associated with diminished activity in the amygdala. The amygdala
gets a great deal of attention nowadays because it is the section of the brain
which is connected to emotions, the fight or flight response, anxiety, phobias
and post traumatic stress disorder. This diminished activity leads to less
anxiety and other mental health issues. Generosity is good for your mental
But it must be heartfelt rather than begrudgingly done. To
get the true benefits of generosity for your mental health it is best to be
generous on purpose. Be intentional with who and what you are giving to.
People will generally talk about and teach on the topic they struggle with the most. Because in that struggle comes the wisdom and learning, it doesn’t mean that the person has overcome the struggle completely, it just means they are wrestling with it.
It’s interesting to note that I talk most about being generous and how that is good for you. What that really means that I am naturally a selfish person. In just about all areas of my life I am a person who is wrestling with self-centeredness but striving for generosity.
It is tough and has been ongoing for as long as I can remember.
The reason I find it a struggle is that generosity is difficult, costly, time consuming and is about other people. I find it hard to think of others when I am so conscious of my own needs and wants, but not theirs. It is natural for me to only see the world through my own eyes, because they are the only eyes I have.
So, I immerse myself in the idea of giving because I know that giving is better than receiving, those who are generous will be blessed and will be a blessing – basically giving is good for you and the world.
Jesus lived a most generous life. He saw the hearts and the hurts of those around Him. He walked with them, laughed with them, cried with them, healed them, prayed for them and then died for them. His compassion for people is something I want to emulate.
So I talk about generosity a lot – not because I have mastered it but because I am still wrestling.
I hear no quite a bit.
I work for a charity and I ask people to give generously to that charity. If I am doing my job then people will say ‘no’ to me on a regular basis, to either meeting with me, coming to an event, or being generous financially. I get ‘no’ on a much more regular basis than I get a ‘yes’, and it can hurt. It can create doubt and fear and a sense of rejection. To not go crazy, I choose to approach this ‘rejection’ with a particular mindset.
A while ago I spent some time working in radio and at the time (things may have shifted a little now) the adage was that someone needed to hear an advertisement 7 times before they decided to engage with it. Essentially, on average, it takes time for people to get comfortable with a message or product before they start to build trust and get to the point where they look at buying or connecting.
I now take the same approach with every conversation I have with someone or when I speak at an event. I talk proudly about Opportunity International and how we are ending poverty but at the same time I recognise that it could be the first time that someone has heard of the organisation and what we do, or the first time they have heard about giving to charity. I can’t expect them to jump on board straight away, but this is the first important step. It could also be the third or fourth time, or it could be the seventh time and they say yes and support generously. It just depends on the person and their journey.
I can’t tell you the amount of times I have had people tell me that they have heard me speak a few times before and now they are ready to support.
If people say no to me, that’s okay, it’s not the ‘seventh’ time for them yet. My job is to keep the relationship going so they can get to that point.
I also know that some people will never come around, that’s okay too. They are on their own journey and whilst I believe being generous is good for everyone, we all have to come to that place in our own time and on our own terms.
“You will not be satisfied until you step into a life of generosity” Jason Jaggard
I find it most difficult on Monday mornings. Not every one, but generally it’s a Monday. The day brings with it a sense of longing, questioning and searching. Is what I am doing really worthwhile? What if I am just wasting my time? What if no one else gets it? Is this really what I want to be doing for the rest of my life?
Perhaps you know these questions and the driving force behind them, which is what I would call the search for purpose. What motivates my behaviours? Why do I do what I do?
Some will suggest that we all have a calling – something specific that we are placed on this earth to do and if we don’t find what that is we can miss our calling and then ultimately miss our purpose in life.
Others think that we don’t have a specific task or calling but we are to be the best that we can be wherever we end up. It’s more about the attitude than the action.
If you spend enough time with me you will discover that I don’t go to many extremes, but I like to find somewhere in between. (Why don’t we have both?)
I think we all have certain things that we are called to do, they may turn into our vocation or they may be specific actions along the journey. At the same time the attitude is fundamental, perhaps even more important.
If we, as people are able to act out in generosity, then that attitude will take any action that we do and make it amazing.