Tag: Gratitude

Barely Touched the Sides

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“Where did that go?” I asked in mock disbelief.

My son pointed to his stomach, proudly showing that he ate the whole thing. There are times when kids just seem to consume any food they can get their hands on, and even then it is not enough. (On the flip side, of course there are plenty of times when they refuse to eat the beautifully prepared, healthy meal which they loved last week but is intolerable to them today. This is not our focus for now, so let’s move on and forget that happens.)

Things get inhaled rather than eaten. There is no way that they could have tasted it on the way down and it barely touched the sides. In those moments, food is just a source of making the hunger go away, and there is no appreciation for what it took to acquire and prepare the disappearing commodity.

I think it can be the same with any area of life in which we have an appetite, be that for actual food or for experiences, stuff or status. We can find ourselves taking for granted what we have and just consume it as something that exists purely for our own ends. That kind of consumption leads to a fairly soulless experience. This is what’s often called the hedonic treadmill where we tend to adapt to what we have, then keep searching for more and more without the sense of feeling satisfied.

Or as Dietrich Bonhoeffer, writing from prison during the Second World War, put it, “It is only with gratitude that life becomes rich”.

If you carry no gratitude for the things in your life, then nothing will ever be enough.

If you are grateful for what you already have, anything else you get feels like abundance.

So, during your next meal, slow down, actually taste it, and thank whoever made it (even if it was you).

Look here

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I have dreams of owning a place with a view of the ocean. The only problem is that I don’t really like the ocean – more specifically sand. I guess I can still find a way to enjoy the view without being close enough to be impacted by sand, right?

There is something that a peaceful view of nature does to our brains and general well-being.

Maybe one day…

Psychologist Dacher Keltner has spent close to 20 years researching awe and the findings suggest that even brief experiences of awe can calm the stress response and help people feel more connected and less lonely.

Even in this moment, if you are feeling stressed, or down or anxious, go look at a tree and it can help. Seriously, run to a window right now and scope a tree. I’ll wait.

…

Notice any difference?

No window or tree nearby? Keltner’s lab found that even seeing an awe-inspiring image can activate the vagus nerve, which helps slow your heart rate and deepen your breathing.

The power is not the tree, it is in feeling awe and wonder. That is what connects us to something bigger and can get us unstuck from what we are feeling in the moment. It also helps us look beyond ourselves to the people around us, and act more generously.

So look up. Find a tree, or a picture, or a patch of ocean (without the sand), and let it be bigger than your to-do list.

You don’t have to…

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You don’t have to hate.

We all get to choose how we respond to other people. We all can respond with kindness, or generosity, or with grace. Alternatively, we can choose to respond with anger, bitterness and hate.

We weren’t born with hate in our hearts and minds. It is a learned behaviour and we can choose to unlearn it.

After the hateful Bondi attack in December 2025 when two gunmen opened fire on a Hanukkah celebration, Liberal MP Julian Leeser said on the ABC Daily Podcast, “What starts with hateful words doesn’t end with hateful words.” Whatever your thoughts on his politics, I think on this point we can all agree. If hateful words are your starting point, then it is very difficult to de-escalate from there. You really only leave yourself one way to go. It’s not a guarantee that hateful words will always turn to violence but you can be sure that it is a much longer journey from kindness to violence than from hateful words to violence.

Hate and violence are a choice. You don’t have to choose it.

If you have to say or do something, leave yourself somewhere to go. Err on the side of kindness. Start from generosity.

The Good Old Days

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The “good old days” were not good – Joel Mokyr, Economic Historian

“Dad, is that what life was like in the olden days?” The cheek of my kids.

In my mind, the “olden days” were not when I was kid, more like when my parents were kids.

Either way, it seemed like a simpler time when I was growing up. Everyone was happier, more relaxed, better off and no one was worried about what was going on in the world.

Except that none of those things are true. I just wasn’t aware of what was going on.

The world doesn’t shrug off a shock and move on. Trauma from a war, a recession, a pandemic gets passed on from one generation to the next, shaping how people think and behave long after the event is over.

Before I was born the shadows of two world wars and Vietnam were still shaping global events, just as those wars had been shaped by the conflicts that came before. As a species, we learn something from each challenge we face (sometimes it’s the wrong thing) and we carry that into whatever comes next.

From Vietnam we went to Iran in ’79. Then explosive growth through the 80s. The crash of ’87. Iraq in the early 90s. An Australian recession. Iraq again in the early 2000s. The GFC in ’07–08. A pandemic. Ukraine. Iran, again.

Tell me, where exactly are the good old days in that?

I had no control over any of it, but these events shaped part of my life and my experience in this world, and most of it wasn’t good.

The truth is that each and every day is a mixture of good and bad, joy and grief, peace and war, ups and downs. Some seasons are more of a challenge than others, but if we can intentionally seek out the good, the joy, the peace and the ups, while still making room for the bad, the grief, the war and the downs, then we can be living in the good old days now.

Next time my kids ask about the ‘olden days’, I’ll remember that these are the ‘olden days’ for them, and I get to shape that on purpose.

Rich And Generous?

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Can you be rich and generous?

Yes.

The end.

But let’s define rich first.

Each person’s definition of what is considered ‘rich’ entirely depends on which way they are looking. Are they looking at those who have less than them, or are they looking at those who have more? I think it’s one of the only times that it is okay to compare yourself with others, as long as you are looking in the right direction. Most people living in developed countries are wealthier than most of the world.

There is also a definition of ‘rich’ that talks about family and relationships. An emotional wealth of love and support from the people around you. This is not something you can easily compare against others, and, most importantly, this wealth is not limited by physical currency. There is no market cap on emotional wealth. We can all be rich.

Let’s define generosity.

Generosity is giving something to others, be that money, time, expertise, presence or energy. It costs you something, but it doesn’t cost you yourself. It is an outworking of your internal world and adds great value to your life in psychological, physical, emotional and spiritual ways.

Generosity makes you feel rich, no matter how much you have.

You can be one, or the other, ideally both. 

The end.

It’s not a competition…but I’m winning

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“Well done everyone…mostly me”

It has become a standard saying that I share with my kids at the end of a car trip. It started out as a show of appreciation for how well they behaved in the car on the way home from wherever we were, but something within me wanted to make sure that they knew I did most of the work by driving. It’s a joke…mostly, with a bit of ego.

The same instinct shows up in other areas of life that are supposed to be about someone else entirely. There can be some giant egos attempting to hide inside generous acts. The kind of ego that needs the name on everything they give to, that talks about it constantly to anyone within earshot, that compares their acts against others, not for the benefit of encouraging others to generous acts, but to boost their own profile.

The paradox is that good things can and will come from that sort of generosity. People will be helped, communities will grow and obstacles will be overcome. But probably not as much as they would if the ego was a little less.

But how do you know if there is a giant ego hiding behind your generous acts?

Simply put, if you are trying to prove to someone that you are generous (even if it is only you that you are trying to prove it to), then your ego is very active.

I am always happy to call out great acts of generosity; I think people should have names on buildings if they have given significantly to help create them. But it is not a competition.

Generosity doesn’t need the recognition, but also doesn’t need to be completely anonymous. It has the strength of character to handle both.

“Well done everyone”. (minus the “mostly me”).

Generosity, On Purpose

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“Choose generosity, knowing your actions can extend beyond yourself”. Neale Daniher – The Power of Choice

Maybe some people are just wired to be generous. They exude thoughtfulness, gratitude and generosity. It just seems to come naturally to them as they care for those around them and seem to be able to lessen the burdens of others simply by being in the same room.

I don’t think I’m one of those people…yet. I’m working on it, but it doesn’t exude from me, especially if you catch me before I’ve had my morning coffee, or if it’s too cold outside, or if my favourite sporting team recently lost (there is a specific set of conditions that need to be right…)

So, for the rest of us, I think the quote from Neale Daniher is an excellent place to start. He wrote “The Power of Choice” for his grandchildren, passing on what he had learned through life and his battle with Motor Neuron Disease, which he succumbed to in May 2026.

As a result, his quote carries a great deal of weight. Because before generosity exudes, it is chosen. It is an active choice, that sometimes may feel like it goes against the grain of what we might want, but the outcome of it, once chosen creates ramifications that ‘extend beyond yourself’. I think there is something in that, something that we all want. To make a difference to others in our world, be that our families, people in our community or those we will never meet. That is the power of generosity.

It doesn’t just happen. It needs to be chosen, on purpose, regardless of the coffee or the weather or the sporting result.

What Makes It Generosity?

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A gift without cost is a platitude.

Generosity is innately costly. When we give something away to someone else there is always the opportunity cost of what we could have done with that time, money, energy, idea or item.

It’s important to recognise that, perhaps mostly because it will be encouraging for you when you realise just how generous you already are. We can overlook the things we do for others or what we give away and say, “It was nothing really.” But it was something. Even if it was small.

It is also useful to notice an area in your life where you might think you are being generous, but you aren’t.

Does that mean that you have to make sure that every time you do something nice for someone else it costs you something?

If there is no thought given, nothing else you could have bought, or done with your time or your energy, even though it was probably a nice thing to do, it may not be an act of generosity. There is a difference between being nice and being generous.

There’s no need to be legalistic about it, it’s just good to recognise if your giving is costing you something. How much you are willing for it to cost you is entirely up to you.

Unexpressed Gratitude is Selfish

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I catch myself in moments of gratitude. Usually I am alone, and a thought hits me,
“Boy, I am so grateful for…”

Usually it is about my wife, but often it is also about my kids. They are all so great, and it feels good to be reminded of that. I then begin to wish I wasn’t alone in that moment so I could share that with them.

“When I see them next time, I will tell them how I feel about them.”

Then I walk in the door to my home and normal life kicks in with the importance of getting people fed, bathed, read to and in bed at an appropriate time.

My grateful thoughts have disappeared and the desire to share them with my family is also gone.

I guess this is how we end up not expressing ourselves to those closest to us.

I know, I’m a cliché.

I think about it often, it’s my version of ‘if a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it…’. If gratitude is unexpressed, is it really gratitude?

I’m not sure if it is. I think that if I feel grateful to someone for who they are, especially someone close to me, and I don’t express it, that is selfish on my part. Everyone deserves to have gratitude expressed to them, about them. Keeping that from people is unfair.

Every night at our dinner table, we share 3 things that we are grateful for in that day. It has become a list of things, which is great. Perhaps I can add “1 person that I am grateful to”, as a means to express my gratitude to those around me, and become a little less selfish.

What’s Missing?

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“What’s missing?” The question creates a certain panic in me, even now.

You probably remember the classic game where you are presented with a tray of items covered with a small towel, you are shown the items for a few seconds which is your time to try to remember as many items as you can – stapler, rubber band, paperclip, toy car, watch, pencil sharpener. Then the towel is replaced and you need to write down as many items as you can remember.

Where it became ‘next level’ intense was when some items were removed, you are shown what is left, and you need to recall what is no longer there. This seemed to come really easily to some people, but I always struggled to see what wasn’t there.

Perhaps it is because I have a below average short-term memory, although I like to think that it is because I am content with what I have that I don’t feel the need to look for what’s missing (it’s probably the first one though). Maybe that’s the real difference between the two versions of the game — one trains you to notice what’s gone, the other to notice what’s still there.

Lao Tzu said:

“Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.”

Focusing on what is already there in life can be difficult. We get used to things, to waking up in the same bed, seeing the same people, eating the same food, and we can easily forget that we have a bed, people in our life who love us and food to eat. Rather than being ordinary things, they are in fact, extraordinary. Things we can rejoice in and be grateful for.

Perhaps that’s what Lao Tzu means when he said that when we realise there is nothing lacking that ‘the whole world belongs to you’. Out of a realisation that we have enough, anything becomes possible, we have the whole world at our feet, and we can afford to be generous with what we already have.