Too many books?

My kids sleep with, what seems to be, hundreds of toys in their bed. There are stuffed toys, toy cars, small animals, lego men and piles of books. I’m not even sure that any part of their body touches the mattress there is so much junk.

I honestly don’t know how it came to this – I am reasonably ordered in life. The bed is for sleeping. The toys and books go in the playroom. But, apparently, my children have a more fluid understanding of how things work in our home.

The books, whilst super annoying when they fall under the bed and cause a frantic search when it’s library day at school, I am more okay with because books are important. It is important to read to your child. I think every parent knows that, and there are studies that have found that young children whose parents read to them daily have better school experiences. There are other studies that have shown that homes which have books in them are more likely to have better educational outcomes, even if they aren’t read.

So, my kids, by sleeping on books, should end up being geniuses. That’s my working theory.

Education is important, and we all want the best for our kids.

Whenever I meet the women that Opportunity International Australia work with, their motivation for using a small loan to build a business and work their way out of poverty is so that they can give their children a better life. They, first and foremost, want their children to go to school and get an education, because they know that this will be a huge benefit for the kids in the future. Even if they haven’t been able to go to school themselves.

For women like Bhikhiben in India, who desperately wanted to go to school when she was younger, but had to make an impossible and devastating choice after her mother died. As the oldest of five siblings, she quit school to help raise them.

No child should have to choose between going to school or looking after their family. But that was the reality for Bhikhiben.

Even though she only has a few years of education, she has taken a small loan to build her own business to create an income which has allowed her kids can go to school, get enough food to eat, to pay the loan back as they work their way out of poverty.

Once the loan is repaid, it gets recycled on to the next mother, so she can do the same thing. With 98% off all loans repaid and recycled, that is a lot of families that are putting their kids in school.

Bhikhiben was robbed of her chance to get an education, but that has fuelled her desire to make sure her children get one. This is how generational change is created.

You can donate here to help women like Bhikhiben lift their families out of poverty.

To those who are still giving…

Again, we find ourselves in a crisis (there’s always a crisis). Sure, inflation seems to be slowing down, but talk of the cost-of-living crisis is strong in the community and there is no doubt that some are really struggling to make ends meet each week.

Here’s what I know, more people are giving less, and less people are giving more. Some are giving to charities at their normal levels, and more on top of that because they are able to, and some are giving less than they normally would as they juggle financial priorities. But those who are still giving have made it a habit, one which they don’t say goodbye to when finances get tight. They still give but give less because it’s easier to increase and continue than it is to start something that you have stopped.

So, no matter how tough things are for you right now, make sure you find a way to maintain your generosity to those around you. It will make you feel better about yourself and it will make a huge difference to the organisation that you are giving to.

To those who are still giving, we thank you.

Tyred of the same thing?

Christmas is upon us. It’s nearly here. It’s happening.

As you go about your preparation for this season and think about the people you will buy presents for, think about what they would really like. I’ve noted before that this is not my strong suit, but I am not the only one.

I recently found out that Australian’s will spend $921 million on presents for people this year that are unwanted. That’s right, almost one billion dollars on gifts that people will throw out. $35 for every man, woman and child will be chucked out. Creating 275,000 tonnes of landfill, about a kilogram for each person.

So, in order to save yourself some time and landfill, reach into your wallet or purse, grab $35 and throw it in the bin.

Or, buy something that will do some good, ensure that your money gets used, recycled and used again, and see to it that your gift is recyclable, by purchasing a Gift of Opportunity. These gifts, like chicks, or ducks, or seeds, or old tyres (yep you read that right), represent things that women living in poverty in India and Indonesia use to create their own business from a small loan. Through that business they make an income, put food on the table, send their kids to school, pay the loan back and work their way out of poverty. Your Christmas gift this year is you providing that loan on behalf of someone you care about and letting them know about it. It’s feel good, do good, save the planet gift giving.

Merry Christmas!

Stormy Weather

‘Walking round the room singing stormy weather…’

I was literally doing this as a teenager as Crowded House filled my mind with their music genius. Little did I know how important weather would become in my life. For years I would talk about it when I worked in radio. I was fascinated by the way the weather changed, how it could be so different in places that were so close together, and by how it made me feel.

I can take on almost anything if the sun is out and the sky is blue. It makes such a difference to how I feel and my optimism level.

Alternatively, pack the skies with clouds and rain and the cold, then no amount of coffee can perk me up.

I am working on this, and looking to make winter into a time of strength, but to date, the weather I am experiencing strongly influences my quality of life.

The good news is that if you change the weather, you change the experience.

Actual weather aside, there are times when life is filled with challenges and no amount of coffee (or whatever your poison is) can perk you up. So, change the weather/influence, change the experience.

One of the greatest methods of changing your mental health weather is through generosity. By acting generously to someone else, even when you don’t feel like it, it will shift your mood. It changes how you see the world, how you see other people and how you see yourself. Sometimes only by a little bit, but that is still a positive step.

It requires no set up, just find a person/organisation/group in your life that you can give something to, be it money, time, expertise etc. and then do it. The positive impacts will be numerous, for you and the people you are generous to, and so everywhere you go you can always take the weather with you.

Acting Out

“You cannot think yourself into a new way of acting. You have to act your way into a new way of thinking.” Marsha Linehan 

At some point, action is required. Even though planning is important. Even though preparation is vital. Even though having a sound strategy is wise, there comes a time when it is all lost if we don’t do the thing. If we don’t take the first step and put the plan into action, the preparation to good use and the strategy to the test. A step must be taken.

There is always going to be a reason not to start just yet. There is always going to be a reason to put it off just one more day until you have ‘all your ducks lined up in a row’. But the real reason is fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of looking stupid.

“But I’m a perfectionist” = “I am afraid”

“I’m not ready yet” = “I am afraid”

“The timing is not right” = “I am afraid”

Fear cripples, ruins, defeats, quenches growth.

Action begins to tell a new story. To create something new, to start a new journey, to begin a new chapter, first you must act in a new way. Your actions will shape how you think, and in turn, will impact how you feel.

For example, if you act generously, you will feel generous and begin to think generous thoughts.

Access to Joy

Very few things are within your control.

Very few things are within my control.

The reality is that I can only control my perspective of the world and the things that I do. Trying to control anything else is a complete waste of energy.

Now, you might find that depressing, or you may be inspired by that because it brings with it a sense of freedom to focus on the only things that you can do anything about.

Stuff happens to you in life. Good stuff and not so good stuff, and then a whole lot of ‘in the middle’ stuff. We do not control any of that. But our response is totally on us. How we react is completely our decision.

Victor Frankl says that “between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response”. We get to choose. We get to choose whether we bring joy or terror. We get to choose to bring life or death. We get to choose to bring love or fear.

No doubt, we all want to bring joy and life and love. It can be a challenge to get that right every single time we make a choice and respond to those around us, but we always have access to joy – it comes through doing things for other people. It comes through generosity. It comes through giving.

Choose joy. Choose generosity.

Gratitude = Riches

Gratitude is riches. Complaint is poverty. – Doris Day

To be rich, to be wealthy, to have something that no one else has, to be in possession of a large number of things. It is the reason we have houses. It is the reason we have bank accounts. It is the reason we have storage units – we are simply unable to carry all the things we own around with us. It is neither practical nor safe.

There’s a story of the Stoic Philosopher, Epictetus, who had an expensive lamp stolen from his house. Upon discovering this theft, he went out and bought a cheaper lamp, saying that “you can only lose what you have”.

Keeping track of your stuff is a full time job. It takes a great deal of energy to make sure things are serviced, in working order, tidy, clean, paid for, swept, made, fed and accounted for. That’s a huge amount of energy when, in the end, time and rust destroy and thieves break in and steal. This kind of richness is fleeting. It could go in a moment.

Gratitude is another kind of riches. A deep richness of acknowledging the good things that are happening all around us, even if, (especially if), we are having challenges with the riches of possessions.

To be grateful creates a strength that cannot be easily toppled. A certainty that, in the midst of a storm, says “I am the luckiest person alive”.

You Cannot Outrun Unhappiness

You cannot outrun unhappiness. It will get you eventually because as you try to fill your life with things that you think will make you happy, you are feeding unhappiness. Instead, stop and sit with unhappiness. Embrace it. Because there will be days like this. Sad days. Unhappy days. Flat days.

Trying to outrun them is like grasping at oil. It’s an exercise in foolishness. Instead of trying to outrun it, shift your understanding of what happiness is.

Author, James Clear suggests that  “Happiness is simply the absence of desire… Happiness is not about the achievement of pleasure (which is joy or satisfaction), but about the lack of desire. It arrives when you have no urge to feel differently. Happiness is the state you enter when you no longer want to change your state.”

How do you create that state, one which you don’t want to change? How can you be happy with who you are in this moment?

Stephen Covey talks about creating happiness by focusing on contribution not accumulation. What you can give, not what you can get.

Generosity is happiness. It reverses the desire to fill your life with things, to accumulate stuff as a method to avoid the unhappy feeling. It gives you the strength to embrace the unhappy times with the knowledge that I am a generous person, and that is enough. Maybe another word for it is contentment.

How to ‘Success’

Success.

What the heck is it? Is it winning? Being the first to do something? Achievement? Is someone else’s failure the cost of your success? Is it a destination? Does it disappear?

I’ve talked about it before, but it keeps coming back to me, Bob Dylan’s take on happiness and unhappiness being ‘yuppie’ words. Words for people who already have alot in life.

It’s the same with many definitions of success. I have heard people talk about the job, the car, the house, the boat, the influence that they want so that they would be considered a success. These are yuppie words. These are words used by people who are so entitled they don’t even realise where they are.

There is nothing wrong with striving for these things, but if they don’t come and you feel like a failure as a result, then you are drastically lost in life.

About 80% of people worldwide don’t own a car. Does that mean that 80% of people are not achieving success?

There are about 33 million recreational boats in the world. So, at best, 99.5% of people in the world don’t own a boat. Are they all not achieving success?

These measurements are so ‘first world’ that it is painful to watch.

The beauty of success is that each person gets to define it for themselves. No one can tell you what your life must look like to be successful. You get to create your own path and that path is much more than the things you accumulate on the way. It includes things like quality relationships, the positive impact you have on others, what you can create.

I think that any successful life starts with a sense of gratitude. A true understanding of what we already have. If I have a roof over my head, food on my table, a family who loves me and a job with purpose, then that seems pretty successful to me.

Makes the World Go Round

For all of it’s deficiencies (meaning that it is not the source of happiness and the love of it causes the greatest issues in our world), money is still just a tool that we use. It is a device we accumulate throughout our lives which we distribute as we see fit.

You probably know the saying, money makes the world go round. It is true, but we direct the way in which the world goes. If you don’t like the way the world is going, then use your money to change that.

How we spend, invest and give money has an effect on everyone on the planet.

If you had something that didn’t bring you happiness and, if used poorly, would damage everyone around you, wouldn’t you want to do something positive with it and create the best outcome possible?

Of course you would.

So, spend money wisely.

Invest money ethically.

Give money generously.