How to ‘Success’

Success.

What the heck is it? Is it winning? Being the first to do something? Achievement? Is someone else’s failure the cost of your success? Is it a destination? Does it disappear?

I’ve talked about it before, but it keeps coming back to me, Bob Dylan’s take on happiness and unhappiness being ‘yuppie’ words. Words for people who already have alot in life.

It’s the same with many definitions of success. I have heard people talk about the job, the car, the house, the boat, the influence that they want so that they would be considered a success. These are yuppie words. These are words used by people who are so entitled they don’t even realise where they are.

There is nothing wrong with striving for these things, but if they don’t come and you feel like a failure as a result, then you are drastically lost in life.

About 80% of people worldwide don’t own a car. Does that mean that 80% of people are not achieving success?

There are about 33 million recreational boats in the world. So, at best, 99.5% of people in the world don’t own a boat. Are they all not achieving success?

These measurements are so ‘first world’ that it is painful to watch.

The beauty of success is that each person gets to define it for themselves. No one can tell you what your life must look like to be successful. You get to create your own path and that path is much more than the things you accumulate on the way. It includes things like quality relationships, the positive impact you have on others, what you can create.

I think that any successful life starts with a sense of gratitude. A true understanding of what we already have. If I have a roof over my head, food on my table, a family who loves me and a job with purpose, then that seems pretty successful to me.

Makes the World Go Round

For all of it’s deficiencies (meaning that it is not the source of happiness and the love of it causes the greatest issues in our world), money is still just a tool that we use. It is a device we accumulate throughout our lives which we distribute as we see fit.

You probably know the saying, money makes the world go round. It is true, but we direct the way in which the world goes. If you don’t like the way the world is going, then use your money to change that.

How we spend, invest and give money has an effect on everyone on the planet.

If you had something that didn’t bring you happiness and, if used poorly, would damage everyone around you, wouldn’t you want to do something positive with it and create the best outcome possible?

Of course you would.

So, spend money wisely.

Invest money ethically.

Give money generously.

Chicken Salt

Generosity is like the chicken salt that adds flavour and richness to our lives and communities. It’s all about giving, caring, and showing kindness to others.

When we’re generous, we tap into our empathetic side. The place where we can understand and relate to the struggles and needs of others. By being generous, we show that we’re not just focused on ourselves, but we genuinely care about making a positive difference in someone else’s life.

One of the best things about generosity is that it creates a domino effect. When we receive generosity, it’s only natural to want to pass it on, like a chain reaction of kindness that spreads throughout society.

Also, it brings us joy. Science tells us that giving makes us happier. When we help others and see the impact of our actions, it fills our hearts with a warm, fuzzy feeling. It gives us a sense of purpose and fulfillment, knowing that we’ve made someone’s day a little bit brighter.

Whether it’s a small act of kindness or a grand gesture, every bit counts. You can sprinkle generosity like chicken salt, making the world a better (and tastier) place, one act of kindness at a time.

More valuable than money

“Time is money.”

“Money doesn’t grow on trees.”

“There is no such thing as a free lunch.”

“I don’t get out of bed for less than…”

“What’s your hourly rate?”

All of these phrases you would have heard of. All of them are either untrue or unhelpful.

There is no doubt that money is a significant part of our lives. We genuinely can’t live without it. We spend most of our waking hours working to get it, then spending in, then wondering where it went. I shudder to think about the amount of spreadsheets that are used globally to track it and attempt to predict it, mostly inaccurately.

But there is more to life than money. I am definitely not the first person to say that. What does it mean though? What is this ‘more to life’ that people talk about?

It means that there are other things in life that are a more important filter to help decide how we spend our time, or what we put our money to, or who we want to become.

As James Clear says, “Nobody will ever pay you to go on a date with your spouse or take your kids to the park or grab coffee with your parents.”

Being generous with our money, time and attention will help to shape a life outside of money. It will be well rounded. It will have purpose. It will bring joy.

Generosity is Inefficient

I love efficiency. Especially with time. I love to kill two birds with one stone (metaphorically speaking). Whether that’s by listening to podcasts in the gym, or while driving, or while walking, or if it is by working in a café (which is actually three birds – coffee, work and atmosphere). There are important things, that I love to do, which, if I can do them at the same time as something else, then I feel like I am winning at life.

Cal Newport, author of Deep Work, and many other people, suggest that multitasking doesn’t exist. We might think that we are doing two or more things at once, but in reality, we are switching between tasks and giving nothing our full attention. That might be fine for listening to podcasts whilst working out, but for creative work, or work that requires some deep thought then we are not giving it our best. It feels efficient, but it is the opposite of that.

In my efficiency drive, I miss things in the periphery. I miss down time. I miss the stress behind the slack message from my colleague. I miss the sub-text behind what my child just said. I miss the gap that is growing between me and my wife. I miss how I am feeling.

It takes some “inefficiency” to begin to catch what I am missing. It takes some space, which requires consciously not doing a task, or listening to a thing, or worrying about an upcoming commitment.

This kind of inefficiency is generous – to those around us and to ourselves. The generosity of presence.

Which way?

In my opinion he was the greatest Captain the Australian Cricket team has ever seen. Before Steve Waugh stepped into that role, he was part of the Australian tour of India in 1998. They were playing a test match in Kolkata which they lost badly, with one day to spare. Steve used that extra day to visit a clinic for children with leprosy. What he saw changed his perspective and his life, saying that the things he witnessed, he “…couldn’t just dismiss and pretend I didn’t see”.

So moved was he that he helped to raise money for the clinic that he visited, and over time he also created the Steve Waugh Foundation which helps to improve the quality of life for children and young people living with rare diseases.

Losing a game of cricket at an international level is tough, no doubt about it, but not as tough as what some people go through every day. He could have chosen to sit in his hotel room, maybe spend some time by the pool and drown his sorrows, but he chose to focus on other people and it changed everything.

Where we look shapes how we see the world. If we are always looking at those who have more than us then we will always feel a lack. But when we shift our gaze to those who have less then we will feel that we have plenty, which is the birthplace of gratitude, out of which grows generosity.

Which way are you looking?

Not Everything that Counts…

We can measure dollars and cents. Things with a numerical value that add up, subtract, divide and multiply (you know how math works). This is the easiest stuff to measure. We can count it. But does it really count? Does it really matter?

Often the most important things in life cannot be counted or measured. For example, we can’t measure the psychological impact on a mother who has started her own business, is now able to provide an income for her family ensuring her kids can go to school and is paying the loan back which got her started. I can tell you that we know that she is a different person now as she lifts her family out of poverty. We know she is having a positive impact. We just don’t know how to fully measure it. There is no graph that can measure every good thing that happens now, from the daily difference in their family interactions to the long-term impact her children will have in the world now they are getting an education. Measuring loan size and repayment rate just doesn’t seem to do it justice.

Even so, now, she is a better mum, a better business owner, a better member of the community and a better global citizen. She makes our world a better place because someone donated some dollars and cents, and the outcome is worth far more than the initial amount of money.

Raise Kind Billionaires

Before they were world famous, super wealthy, world shaping icons, the world’s richest people were babies, and toddlers, and teenagers. They were shaped by the people closest to them, values were instilled, and beliefs were modelled. How they turned out was heavily influenced by their upbringing.

For example, Bill Gates was always going to give away all his money because that is what he learned from his mother. Whether he became a billionaire or not, generosity was one of his values. Thank God for his mother’s influence (…and maybe his fathers? I don’t know much about that).

You see that small child in front of you, the one in your house that you love so deeply and drives you completely mad that it hurts your head? Or the kid next door? They could be one of the next billionaires in our world. Most likely they will make more money that you. Instil in them the value of generosity now so that it stays with them their whole life, and if they happen to be the richest person in the world they can change it for the better through their giving. Even if they don’t become the richest person in the world, they can still make it a better place through generosity.

Giving in Australia is going up and down. Less people are giving but the ones that are giving, are giving more.

You can shape that culture and it starts with your kids. Teach them about generosity and in doing so, it will make them a kinder person and our world a little bit better.

There is no competition

Ryan Holiday, an author, says that “Authors are not in competition with each other. They are in competition with people not reading.”

He is not busy trying to promote his books at the cost of other authors and their books, bad-mouthing them and discouraging people from buying them. In fact, he owns a bookstore and actively promotes other authors and their work.

In his mind, the more people who read, the better, regardless of the book. I whole heartedly agree.

In the same way, charities are not in competition with other charities. They are in competition with people not giving. So, I don’t try to promote Opportunity International Australia at the cost of other charities, bad-mouthing them and discouraging people from giving to them. There have been times when I’ve notice that Opportunity is not a fit for a particular supporter – their passion does not align with the work that Opportunity does, and I have suggested other organisations they can give to. I also encourage people have a portfolio of organisations that they support through their giving so that their impact can be spread across a few different areas because we are more than just ‘single-issue’ people.

In my mind, the more people who give to charity, the better, regardless of the organisation. I hope you whole heartedly agree.

With, or without, her spoon, she is right

My favourite part about watching my son run around the track at his athletics club is that it’s not important who crosses the finish line first. The focus is on getting the best out of yourself and going for a Personal Best (PB) time. I love seeing him run faster, throw, and jump further than he has ever run before. He is excited by that as well as he discovers that he is capable of so much more than he thought possible.

Sometimes he wins, sometimes he doesn’t, but it doesn’t matter, he is only competing against himself. The strength of that attitude is that it leaves space for more than one person to win in any race. It is not a zero-sum game, but it’s a place of growth, a place of development, a place of abundance.

We might think that type of attitude has no place outside of kids’ athletics, but it is truly how we can live our whole lives.

In a world where we live with the philosophy of “survival of the fittest” (which is a sham by the way), we are taking the easy way out. It’s easy when all you have to do is try and just be a little bit better than the other team, the other person, the other organisation, we do improve but only incrementally.

If we shifted our focus from trying to be a little bit better than someone else, and begin to imagine what we are capable of, then we realise that we can always get better compared to what we have done before and we are capable of so much more than we think is possible.

Mostly, just because someone else is doing well, it doesn’t mean that we lose out. There isn’t a limited amount of success in the world, there is an abundance meaning we can celebrate when other people are doing well and strive to get our own PB.

As Reese Witherspoon said, “Someone else’s success isn’t impeding mine”.