Tag: Joy

Two Generosity Tips for Christmas

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I’ve been trying to get things tidy before Christmas comes, to get everything sorted before the end of the year.

Isn’t that often the experience that many of us have at this time of year, during the build up towards Christmas?

Too many things to do, not enough time.

So here are my two generosity tips to help you survive at this time of year:

Firstly, go easy on yourself, be generous to yourself.

“Perfect is the enemy of good”, we know that saying but I also think perfect is the enemy of joy.

Christmas doesn’t have to be perfect, the build-up doesn’t have to be perfect.

Find time to spend quality time with your friends and with your family and find time for joy. Perfect doesn’t necessarily always fit with Christmas.

Secondly, let people give you stuff. If they want to, let people give you presents.

We find joy when we give so maybe try not to avoid it, allow it to happen and let people express their generosity and gratitude towards you.

It’s a gift to them.

So go easy on yourself, be generous to yourself and let people give you presents, be generous to them at the same time.

And so from everyone at the Generosity Guy, which is me…

Merry Christmas!

Giving is better

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Giving is better than receiving. It’s a cliché for a reason – it is so widely used because it is true. Which is amazing because I love receiving. How good is it to get a thoughtful gift? Receiving something new creates an amazing physiological response in our body, excitement, joy and happiness. It changes our mood.

Giving away a thoughtful gift also has an amazing physiological response in our body. It creates joy and a sense of fulfilment at the sight of someone we care about getting excited, feeling joy and being happy. The difference is that the feeling you get when you give something thoughtful to someone else, lasts longer than their feelings of excitement, joy and happiness at receiving the gift.

It’s feels counterintuitive but a new toy loses its shine super quick (be that an actual toy or a new iPhone), but the feeling of joy the giver has, lasts a lot longer. There is a great sense of fulfilment that comes when you realise that you are the type of person who is generous.

“I act generously” – is a great statement to say about yourself.

It’s sounds much better than “I love getting gifts from people”.

Giving is better than receiving.

Temper your bragging, ask for details of others’ success

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It works for those suffering from depression. Dr. Catherine Chambliss has been studying it for years, and has created a word for it – Freudenfreude.

You might already know of its evil cousin, schadenfreude, which is the pleasure derived by someone from another person’s misfortune. It’s that sense of glee you feel when someone you know of fails, or falls over or who’s life implodes.

Freudenfreude is the opposite – it’s the joy you feel when someone you know shares their success with you. It’s shared joy. Shoy. If you are able create shoy in your life it will decrease depressive symptoms and increase your mood.

But how do you do that?

Dr. Chambliss maps it out like this:

  • Notice – Go out of your way to notice when someone brings you a story of success
  • Respond positively to that story
  • Ask for all the details, let them tell you all about it

Do those three things and you will set yourself up for some shoy.

Plus, when you are sharing your story of success (bragging), package it with layers of gratitude which removes the sense of competition, changing your headspace but also making it easier for those listening to find shoy in your success.

There is something deeply generous about freudenfreude. And like generosity, it benefits everyone, not just the one who receives it.

Thief

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Don’t compare yourself to other people. You never know who is taking steroids. You never know who is drowning in debt. You never know who is a liar. – Ryan Holiday

Who are you in competition with? Why? Do they even know?

For me is it other fundraisers, other staff, other parents from my kids’ school, other people on the internet?

I wonder if they walk around thinking, “I am winning!” or are they so focussed on doing the best they can that they don’t even notice or care about me.

In a zero-sum game world, someone else winning would mean that I am losing. But what if we are not in competition with everyone else? What if we are all on the same team and we are only in competition with who we used to be?

If comparison with other people is the thief of joy, then personal progress is the thief of comparison.

This is my journey. This is my race. Success is whatever I want it to be. Survival of the fittest is a sham. We don’t live in a zero-sum game world. When you grow and progress then so do I.

Christmas Treasure

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I imagine that the first ever Christmas (also known as the time when Jesus was born) was hectic. The build-up and expectations of Mary and Joseph on their unborn child. Angels had communicated to them both about the baby. Literal angels. Then the travel to Bethlehem, the stress of finding a place to stay, (it’s almost as if they found the first Airbnb room, but probably would have left a scathing review) the animals, the dirt, the straw, the challenge of giving birth, learning to figure out what to do with a newborn and then the visitors.

Hectic.

But after all the initial barrage of activity subsided, after the visitors had left, praising God for what they had witnessed, there is this moment of quiet when Mary takes stock of it all.

Luke 2:19 says that Mary ‘treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart’.

Somehow, she had the ability to be present in that moment. She didn’t get caught up in the regret of how things turned out (I’m not sure this would have been in her birth plan), nor did she get overwhelmed by anxiety about the future and all the things that could happen when you are mother of the Messiah. Instead, Mary captured that moment. I imagine a still, peaceful moment. Maybe a cricket or two chirping (are there crickets in Bethlehem?), a soft breeze blowing, and the sound of a tiny baby breathing in and out as he slept. It’s enough to overflow the hearts of his parents with joy. The miracle of childbirth for sure, but more than that, it is the miracle that God would send this baby as the one who would carry out His plan to save the whole world. The presence of God, wrapped in flesh and bone, needing to be fed and changed every three hours. That sure is a lot to ponder.

So, my hope for us this Christmas, this special time of year, is that we will find a moment or two like this. Where we can treasure all these things:

  • the miracle of a baby
  • the love of a God that brought it all about so we could be in relationship with Him
  • the man that Jesus grew up to be
  • His sacrifice

…and ponder them in our hearts. May that bring you peace, joy and hope, whilst removing regret about what was and anxiety about what could be.

Merry Christmas!

2021 Theme

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I’ve had a theme for the year for a while. It’s something that I chose to focus on throughout the year, usually encompassed in one word.

This year my theme is Hope.

It may not seem like a strong word, but hope is the fuel for a courageous life.

If you have ever been in a position where you are without, or have lost, hope, you will know just how vital it is. I have had some days like that, and it’s frightening – to look ahead and feel as if things will never improve. I have learned through experience though, when I am having one of those days, that tomorrow will always be better, and it gives me the courage to take the next step.

That is the power of hope. It provides a way forward, out of despair because of what it represents. We have hope in something, from something and for something.

We hope in something, which is faith. We have faith in a god, or humanity, or our family or ourselves – something that we believe is good and can create meaning and purpose. Out of that faith comes hope.

We hope from something. The reason we hope is because we are not content with our current situation. We are looking for something more, something better or a sense of purpose or understanding. When stuck in a place where we don’t want to be, we hope because we don’t want to stay there.

We hope for something. You only hope for something when you don’t have it yet. It is innately optimistic because, even though it comes from a place of not being content with the current situation, it acknowledges that there are better things to come. Whether it is to change where we are or become a better version of ourselves in a challenging place, hope assures us that better is possible.

There is biblical wisdom that urges people to be ‘joyful in hope’.

Being joyful in hope sounds counterintuitive because hope is only necessary when there doesn’t appear to be any joy. Joy only comes because of hope. Hope first, and then you will find joy.

‘Tis The Season

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It is the season for giving.

Why is it just one season? Why is it only restricted to one part of the year?

Christmas is a joyful time (in most cases) and it’s made even better because we think about others and what to give them and how to bring them joy. Which brings us joy. So why do we restrict it to just one time of the year? (Maybe two if birthdays are a thing for you).

We know that the best way to find joy is to give to others. When we do that, when we look outside of ourselves, we receive in return. It results in us feeling better about ourselves and our world. It creates a positive experience for all involved.

If you want to be joyful all year-round, and not just in December, then think about presents that people would like to receive when it is not ‘in season’. Think about things that would put a smile on someone’s face.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m all for Christmas and celebrating this season, but I’m encouraging you to bring joy all throughout the year. Be that person.

Gratitude Breeds Generosity

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‘From the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks.’

Have you ever wondered how some people just seem to be so happy all the time? It can be quite disconcerting as you go about your day, struggling through your afternoon slump, stressing about your upcoming deadline, cursing how quickly your last coffee was consumed, and then Mr. or Mrs. Happy pop up and share their joy of life with you, offer you a helpful suggestion with your deadline and source another coffee for you. I mean, who do they think they are? Even if you can’t think of someone you know who is like this, believe me, they are out there.

The most amazing thing is that when you find out more about these people and hear their story, you usually discover that they have had to endure, and possibly still are enduring, some incredibly difficult life circumstances, tragedy and loss. It is most often unfair and sad, yet there they stand with a smile on their face. Not a fake one either (I thought that was their trick for a while, but it is real happiness).

It turns out that, whilst not everyone who goes through hardship surfaces with a happy demeanour, those that do manage to find something in life that they are grateful for. It is a conscious effort, every day to find the good things they have and over time, that sense of gratitude overflows into generosity towards others. Gratitude breeds generosity, in all areas of life. You cannot stop it.

All action that we take is motivated by something internal.

Jealous

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I have a secret for you.

I have jealousy issues.

You may have felt like this too. I can only describe it as a pang. This feeling deep within when you hear of someone doing well, creating success in what they are doing, getting credit for great things they are doing, being recognised for how great they are at stuff.

On the outside you may hear yourself say, ‘Good for them. I always knew they had it in them. I am very excited for them’, but on the inside there is this little voice that whispers, ‘I wish that was me’.

It’s confronting to notice that side of yourself.

Jealousy is completely self-centred. It ruins creativity, positivity, relationships, it sucks joy out of any moment and it kills generosity.

Jealousy is the opposite of generosity.

I think the best way to overcome a negative attribute is to aim to become the positive attribute. Instead of trying to stop myself acting out of jealousy, I will focus on what generosity looks like and become that.

Generosity is other-centred, provides space for creativity, acceptance, builds a positive environment and is the foundation of all quality relationships. It provides joy and snuffs out jealousy.

Generosity is a true attribute of the heart of God. He generously pours out His love for us, His mercies are new every day.

Loss Breeds Gratitude

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I missed a concert recently. It was going to be amazing, the first date night with my wife for a while, a musician that we both loved, the first concert of their Australian tour. By all accounts a perfect night ahead…until

There are very few words that I can use to explain what happened and not gross you out, but just before we were about to leave our 18 month old was unwell, which required a clean up and a decision that we couldn’t leave him with babysitters like that, even if they were family. So we gave our tickets away and I was shattered. We both were. So much of a build up led to a giant let down and disappointment.

Most people around me at the time shared my disappointment, but a few encouraged me to be thankful for what I did have and for the fact that other people enjoyed the concert on my behalf. I hear that, but I wasn’t in the place, yet.

I think it’s important when we experience loss in life that we acknowledge it and experience it. Sure, this was just a concert but the principal is the same with any loss. For us it was a loss of an experience, a loss of what could have been, and in some way I needed to grieve that loss.

After a little while we got tickets to another concert. A different artist and venue, but this one we actually made it to, just, and we loved it. We probably loved it more because we missed out previously.

Loss breeds gratitude. If we let it, if we sit with the painful, difficult parts of life and grieve, that paves the way, over time, for joy to be experienced.