Tag: Giving

Gratitude = Riches

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Gratitude is riches. Complaint is poverty. – Doris Day

To be rich, to be wealthy, to have something that no one else has, to be in possession of a large number of things. It is the reason we have houses. It is the reason we have bank accounts. It is the reason we have storage units – we are simply unable to carry all the things we own around with us. It is neither practical nor safe.

There’s a story of the Stoic Philosopher, Epictetus, who had an expensive lamp stolen from his house. Upon discovering this theft, he went out and bought a cheaper lamp, saying that “you can only lose what you have”.

Keeping track of your stuff is a full time job. It takes a great deal of energy to make sure things are serviced, in working order, tidy, clean, paid for, swept, made, fed and accounted for. That’s a huge amount of energy when, in the end, time and rust destroy and thieves break in and steal. This kind of richness is fleeting. It could go in a moment.

Gratitude is another kind of riches. A deep richness of acknowledging the good things that are happening all around us, even if, (especially if), we are having challenges with the riches of possessions.

To be grateful creates a strength that cannot be easily toppled. A certainty that, in the midst of a storm, says “I am the luckiest person alive”.

You Cannot Outrun Unhappiness

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You cannot outrun unhappiness. It will get you eventually because as you try to fill your life with things that you think will make you happy, you are feeding unhappiness. Instead, stop and sit with unhappiness. Embrace it. Because there will be days like this. Sad days. Unhappy days. Flat days.

Trying to outrun them is like grasping at oil. It’s an exercise in foolishness. Instead of trying to outrun it, shift your understanding of what happiness is.

Author, James Clear suggests that  “Happiness is simply the absence of desire… Happiness is not about the achievement of pleasure (which is joy or satisfaction), but about the lack of desire. It arrives when you have no urge to feel differently. Happiness is the state you enter when you no longer want to change your state.”

How do you create that state, one which you don’t want to change? How can you be happy with who you are in this moment?

Stephen Covey talks about creating happiness by focusing on contribution not accumulation. What you can give, not what you can get.

Generosity is happiness. It reverses the desire to fill your life with things, to accumulate stuff as a method to avoid the unhappy feeling. It gives you the strength to embrace the unhappy times with the knowledge that I am a generous person, and that is enough. Maybe another word for it is contentment.

Makes the World Go Round

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For all of it’s deficiencies (meaning that it is not the source of happiness and the love of it causes the greatest issues in our world), money is still just a tool that we use. It is a device we accumulate throughout our lives which we distribute as we see fit.

You probably know the saying, money makes the world go round. It is true, but we direct the way in which the world goes. If you don’t like the way the world is going, then use your money to change that.

How we spend, invest and give money has an effect on everyone on the planet.

If you had something that didn’t bring you happiness and, if used poorly, would damage everyone around you, wouldn’t you want to do something positive with it and create the best outcome possible?

Of course you would.

So, spend money wisely.

Invest money ethically.

Give money generously.

Chicken Salt

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Generosity is like the chicken salt that adds flavour and richness to our lives and communities. It’s all about giving, caring, and showing kindness to others.

When we’re generous, we tap into our empathetic side. The place where we can understand and relate to the struggles and needs of others. By being generous, we show that we’re not just focused on ourselves, but we genuinely care about making a positive difference in someone else’s life.

One of the best things about generosity is that it creates a domino effect. When we receive generosity, it’s only natural to want to pass it on, like a chain reaction of kindness that spreads throughout society.

Also, it brings us joy. Science tells us that giving makes us happier. When we help others and see the impact of our actions, it fills our hearts with a warm, fuzzy feeling. It gives us a sense of purpose and fulfillment, knowing that we’ve made someone’s day a little bit brighter.

Whether it’s a small act of kindness or a grand gesture, every bit counts. You can sprinkle generosity like chicken salt, making the world a better (and tastier) place, one act of kindness at a time.

Being generous when you can’t afford it

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Being generous is not always about money. Even when you can’t afford to be financially generous, there are still ways to act generously.

Here are some ways to be generous when you can’t afford to:

  1. Give your time: Volunteer your skills, knowledge, or time to organisations or people in your life who can benefit from your assistance. Your expertise and support can be life changing.
  2. Be there for others: Lending a listening ear and provide comfort and encouragement. Sometimes, a conversation or a short text can make a world of difference.
  3. Share your knowledge: Teach others what you know. Sharing your expertise can empower others and help them grow.
  4. Practice kindness: Small acts of kindness, can brighten someone’s day and foster a sense of connection and compassion.
  5. Give gratitude: Express appreciation for the people and things you have in your life. Gratitude is the foundation of well-being and quality relationships.

Generosity is a mindset and a way of being. It doesn’t matter how much money you have, if you can act generously, you can make a meaningful difference in the lives of others.

Get your hopes up!

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“Play it down, don’t get your hopes up. Don’t get too excited because if it ends up not happening, then you won’t feel let down and you haven’t lost anything.” Conventional Wisdom

But is that true? Are we missing something by not getting our hopes up? Are we not living the full experience of life if we don’t get excited about what could happen? What benefit could we bring if we spend some time imagining what could happen and allowing ourselves to feel what that could be like?

I like the idea of being an optimist. I want to be that. I want my kids to be that. To look at life through the lens of possibility rather than having a filter of restrictions and barriers.

I also like the idea of wisdom. It’s something that I strive for because wisdom is aligned with making good choices and living a good life.

Are they diametrically opposed? Can one be optimistic and wise at the same time?

Conventional wisdom is not generally optimistic. Conventional wisdom keeps us safe, protects us from being taken advantage of, from foolish decisions, from getting our hopes up only to see them dashed against the rocks.

But, if we can approach the world, always asking, what is possible, then anything can happen.

I have been to so many business networking events in my life. As an introvert, this has been a bit of an emotional minefield, and I often found myself deciding not to attend something that I had committed to, just before it was time to go to it. After a while of feeling like a bit of a failure, I made a conscious decision to go, no matter how I felt. This became an easy decision once I changed how I thought about success. For me, 90% of success is just turning up. If I go, then anything can happen, but if I don’t go, then nothing can happen. The other 10% is talking with two people at the event. More than that is fine, but if connect with two people and find out about them then that’s a win. I now go to networking events with asking the question, what is possible?

I want to be the type of person that gets their hopes up. I know that will lead to disappointment sometimes, but it could also lead to amazing things, that I could never dream of, like the world being a little bit more generous.

Well, that’s terrifying.

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It is the most terrifying thing I have ever seen.

I asked an AI image generator to create an image of a person being generous. The results are terrifying. I’m not even sure what is happening but I feel like I am watching some sort of horror movie.

I don’t know why, but the lack of normal hands is very disconcerting. Creepy in fact. I’m not sure exactly what to take out of it yet. Does this mean that AI just doesn’t get humans and never will? Or does it mean that it doesn’t get us yet, but soon will have everything mastered?

Have a look at the results if you really want to, but I must warn you it isn’t pretty:

I have so many questions, it’s a hand for sure, but holding what exactly? The fingers are a little off and where is the arm?

Another random blob thing being held by, I’m not sure…is that boneless fingers? Just flat skin hands?

This is just, no. No. It’s a little village of fingers living on top of a knuckle-less hand.

More of the weird blobs with distorted fingers, with a person this time. That lip bite is disturbing for some reason.

Finally a normal looking one…wait, are those her only fingers, and are they on fire! What is happening here?!? The nub thumb on the other hand and her disjointed wrist will haunt my dreams.

I could go on, there was more, but you get my point.

One thing is for sure, there are certain parts of the human experience, even if it is only the stuff that happens internally, that I don’t think AI will ever be able to replicate. The experience of joy, or sorrow for example. The feeling that we get when we are generous to others, the impact that has on everyone involved, that is something you can’t farm out to AI.

More valuable than money

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“Time is money.”

“Money doesn’t grow on trees.”

“There is no such thing as a free lunch.”

“I don’t get out of bed for less than…”

“What’s your hourly rate?”

All of these phrases you would have heard of. All of them are either untrue or unhelpful.

There is no doubt that money is a significant part of our lives. We genuinely can’t live without it. We spend most of our waking hours working to get it, then spending in, then wondering where it went. I shudder to think about the amount of spreadsheets that are used globally to track it and attempt to predict it, mostly inaccurately.

But there is more to life than money. I am definitely not the first person to say that. What does it mean though? What is this ‘more to life’ that people talk about?

It means that there are other things in life that are a more important filter to help decide how we spend our time, or what we put our money to, or who we want to become.

As James Clear says, “Nobody will ever pay you to go on a date with your spouse or take your kids to the park or grab coffee with your parents.”

Being generous with our money, time and attention will help to shape a life outside of money. It will be well rounded. It will have purpose. It will bring joy.

Generosity is Inefficient

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I love efficiency. Especially with time. I love to kill two birds with one stone (metaphorically speaking). Whether that’s by listening to podcasts in the gym, or while driving, or while walking, or if it is by working in a café (which is actually three birds – coffee, work and atmosphere). There are important things, that I love to do, which, if I can do them at the same time as something else, then I feel like I am winning at life.

Cal Newport, author of Deep Work, and many other people, suggest that multitasking doesn’t exist. We might think that we are doing two or more things at once, but in reality, we are switching between tasks and giving nothing our full attention. That might be fine for listening to podcasts whilst working out, but for creative work, or work that requires some deep thought then we are not giving it our best. It feels efficient, but it is the opposite of that.

In my efficiency drive, I miss things in the periphery. I miss down time. I miss the stress behind the slack message from my colleague. I miss the sub-text behind what my child just said. I miss the gap that is growing between me and my wife. I miss how I am feeling.

It takes some “inefficiency” to begin to catch what I am missing. It takes some space, which requires consciously not doing a task, or listening to a thing, or worrying about an upcoming commitment.

This kind of inefficiency is generous – to those around us and to ourselves. The generosity of presence.

Kindness Regret

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The only time I have ever had regrets about kindness was when I didn’t show it. I have never regretted being too kind to someone, even if it wasn’t received well.

There are plenty of times that I regret not giving the benefit of the doubt or not giving someone another chance or not using kinder words.

I still have this fear of being taken advantage of. I don’t want to be considered a ‘sucker’, or to be duped into an internet scam. Sure, my cynicism has kept me safe so far, but what am I missing out on by thinking that I have to either be cautious or kind? Isn’t it possible to be both?

Kindness isn’t blind. Kindness isn’t weak. Kindness doesn’t have to happen without wisdom or caution. You can be both kind and strong, principled and have boundaries.

Being kind can mean saying no sometimes. It can mean asking challenging questions. It can mean expecting more from someone. But always coming from a place of care and compassion for others.

All that aside, I think that ff someone was to ever criticise me for being too kind, then I think I have won at life.