Tag: Generous

Acting Out

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“You cannot think yourself into a new way of acting. You have to act your way into a new way of thinking.” Marsha Linehan 

At some point, action is required. Even though planning is important. Even though preparation is vital. Even though having a sound strategy is wise, there comes a time when it is all lost if we don’t do the thing. If we don’t take the first step and put the plan into action, the preparation to good use and the strategy to the test. A step must be taken.

There is always going to be a reason not to start just yet. There is always going to be a reason to put it off just one more day until you have ‘all your ducks lined up in a row’. But the real reason is fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of looking stupid.

“But I’m a perfectionist” = “I am afraid”

“I’m not ready yet” = “I am afraid”

“The timing is not right” = “I am afraid”

Fear cripples, ruins, defeats, quenches growth.

Action begins to tell a new story. To create something new, to start a new journey, to begin a new chapter, first you must act in a new way. Your actions will shape how you think, and in turn, will impact how you feel.

For example, if you act generously, you will feel generous and begin to think generous thoughts.

Access to Joy

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Very few things are within your control.

Very few things are within my control.

The reality is that I can only control my perspective of the world and the things that I do. Trying to control anything else is a complete waste of energy.

Now, you might find that depressing, or you may be inspired by that because it brings with it a sense of freedom to focus on the only things that you can do anything about.

Stuff happens to you in life. Good stuff and not so good stuff, and then a whole lot of ‘in the middle’ stuff. We do not control any of that. But our response is totally on us. How we react is completely our decision.

Victor Frankl says that “between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response”. We get to choose. We get to choose whether we bring joy or terror. We get to choose to bring life or death. We get to choose to bring love or fear.

No doubt, we all want to bring joy and life and love. It can be a challenge to get that right every single time we make a choice and respond to those around us, but we always have access to joy – it comes through doing things for other people. It comes through generosity. It comes through giving.

Choose joy. Choose generosity.

Gratitude = Riches

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Gratitude is riches. Complaint is poverty. – Doris Day

To be rich, to be wealthy, to have something that no one else has, to be in possession of a large number of things. It is the reason we have houses. It is the reason we have bank accounts. It is the reason we have storage units – we are simply unable to carry all the things we own around with us. It is neither practical nor safe.

There’s a story of the Stoic Philosopher, Epictetus, who had an expensive lamp stolen from his house. Upon discovering this theft, he went out and bought a cheaper lamp, saying that “you can only lose what you have”.

Keeping track of your stuff is a full time job. It takes a great deal of energy to make sure things are serviced, in working order, tidy, clean, paid for, swept, made, fed and accounted for. That’s a huge amount of energy when, in the end, time and rust destroy and thieves break in and steal. This kind of richness is fleeting. It could go in a moment.

Gratitude is another kind of riches. A deep richness of acknowledging the good things that are happening all around us, even if, (especially if), we are having challenges with the riches of possessions.

To be grateful creates a strength that cannot be easily toppled. A certainty that, in the midst of a storm, says “I am the luckiest person alive”.

You Cannot Outrun Unhappiness

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You cannot outrun unhappiness. It will get you eventually because as you try to fill your life with things that you think will make you happy, you are feeding unhappiness. Instead, stop and sit with unhappiness. Embrace it. Because there will be days like this. Sad days. Unhappy days. Flat days.

Trying to outrun them is like grasping at oil. It’s an exercise in foolishness. Instead of trying to outrun it, shift your understanding of what happiness is.

Author, James Clear suggests that  “Happiness is simply the absence of desire… Happiness is not about the achievement of pleasure (which is joy or satisfaction), but about the lack of desire. It arrives when you have no urge to feel differently. Happiness is the state you enter when you no longer want to change your state.”

How do you create that state, one which you don’t want to change? How can you be happy with who you are in this moment?

Stephen Covey talks about creating happiness by focusing on contribution not accumulation. What you can give, not what you can get.

Generosity is happiness. It reverses the desire to fill your life with things, to accumulate stuff as a method to avoid the unhappy feeling. It gives you the strength to embrace the unhappy times with the knowledge that I am a generous person, and that is enough. Maybe another word for it is contentment.

How to ‘Success’

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Success.

What the heck is it? Is it winning? Being the first to do something? Achievement? Is someone else’s failure the cost of your success? Is it a destination? Does it disappear?

I’ve talked about it before, but it keeps coming back to me, Bob Dylan’s take on happiness and unhappiness being ‘yuppie’ words. Words for people who already have alot in life.

It’s the same with many definitions of success. I have heard people talk about the job, the car, the house, the boat, the influence that they want so that they would be considered a success. These are yuppie words. These are words used by people who are so entitled they don’t even realise where they are.

There is nothing wrong with striving for these things, but if they don’t come and you feel like a failure as a result, then you are drastically lost in life.

About 80% of people worldwide don’t own a car. Does that mean that 80% of people are not achieving success?

There are about 33 million recreational boats in the world. So, at best, 99.5% of people in the world don’t own a boat. Are they all not achieving success?

These measurements are so ‘first world’ that it is painful to watch.

The beauty of success is that each person gets to define it for themselves. No one can tell you what your life must look like to be successful. You get to create your own path and that path is much more than the things you accumulate on the way. It includes things like quality relationships, the positive impact you have on others, what you can create.

I think that any successful life starts with a sense of gratitude. A true understanding of what we already have. If I have a roof over my head, food on my table, a family who loves me and a job with purpose, then that seems pretty successful to me.

Makes the World Go Round

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For all of it’s deficiencies (meaning that it is not the source of happiness and the love of it causes the greatest issues in our world), money is still just a tool that we use. It is a device we accumulate throughout our lives which we distribute as we see fit.

You probably know the saying, money makes the world go round. It is true, but we direct the way in which the world goes. If you don’t like the way the world is going, then use your money to change that.

How we spend, invest and give money has an effect on everyone on the planet.

If you had something that didn’t bring you happiness and, if used poorly, would damage everyone around you, wouldn’t you want to do something positive with it and create the best outcome possible?

Of course you would.

So, spend money wisely.

Invest money ethically.

Give money generously.

Chicken Salt

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Generosity is like the chicken salt that adds flavour and richness to our lives and communities. It’s all about giving, caring, and showing kindness to others.

When we’re generous, we tap into our empathetic side. The place where we can understand and relate to the struggles and needs of others. By being generous, we show that we’re not just focused on ourselves, but we genuinely care about making a positive difference in someone else’s life.

One of the best things about generosity is that it creates a domino effect. When we receive generosity, it’s only natural to want to pass it on, like a chain reaction of kindness that spreads throughout society.

Also, it brings us joy. Science tells us that giving makes us happier. When we help others and see the impact of our actions, it fills our hearts with a warm, fuzzy feeling. It gives us a sense of purpose and fulfillment, knowing that we’ve made someone’s day a little bit brighter.

Whether it’s a small act of kindness or a grand gesture, every bit counts. You can sprinkle generosity like chicken salt, making the world a better (and tastier) place, one act of kindness at a time.

Get your hopes up!

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“Play it down, don’t get your hopes up. Don’t get too excited because if it ends up not happening, then you won’t feel let down and you haven’t lost anything.” Conventional Wisdom

But is that true? Are we missing something by not getting our hopes up? Are we not living the full experience of life if we don’t get excited about what could happen? What benefit could we bring if we spend some time imagining what could happen and allowing ourselves to feel what that could be like?

I like the idea of being an optimist. I want to be that. I want my kids to be that. To look at life through the lens of possibility rather than having a filter of restrictions and barriers.

I also like the idea of wisdom. It’s something that I strive for because wisdom is aligned with making good choices and living a good life.

Are they diametrically opposed? Can one be optimistic and wise at the same time?

Conventional wisdom is not generally optimistic. Conventional wisdom keeps us safe, protects us from being taken advantage of, from foolish decisions, from getting our hopes up only to see them dashed against the rocks.

But, if we can approach the world, always asking, what is possible, then anything can happen.

I have been to so many business networking events in my life. As an introvert, this has been a bit of an emotional minefield, and I often found myself deciding not to attend something that I had committed to, just before it was time to go to it. After a while of feeling like a bit of a failure, I made a conscious decision to go, no matter how I felt. This became an easy decision once I changed how I thought about success. For me, 90% of success is just turning up. If I go, then anything can happen, but if I don’t go, then nothing can happen. The other 10% is talking with two people at the event. More than that is fine, but if connect with two people and find out about them then that’s a win. I now go to networking events with asking the question, what is possible?

I want to be the type of person that gets their hopes up. I know that will lead to disappointment sometimes, but it could also lead to amazing things, that I could never dream of, like the world being a little bit more generous.

Kindness Regret

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The only time I have ever had regrets about kindness was when I didn’t show it. I have never regretted being too kind to someone, even if it wasn’t received well.

There are plenty of times that I regret not giving the benefit of the doubt or not giving someone another chance or not using kinder words.

I still have this fear of being taken advantage of. I don’t want to be considered a ‘sucker’, or to be duped into an internet scam. Sure, my cynicism has kept me safe so far, but what am I missing out on by thinking that I have to either be cautious or kind? Isn’t it possible to be both?

Kindness isn’t blind. Kindness isn’t weak. Kindness doesn’t have to happen without wisdom or caution. You can be both kind and strong, principled and have boundaries.

Being kind can mean saying no sometimes. It can mean asking challenging questions. It can mean expecting more from someone. But always coming from a place of care and compassion for others.

All that aside, I think that ff someone was to ever criticise me for being too kind, then I think I have won at life.

Which way?

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In my opinion he was the greatest Captain the Australian Cricket team has ever seen. Before Steve Waugh stepped into that role, he was part of the Australian tour of India in 1998. They were playing a test match in Kolkata which they lost badly, with one day to spare. Steve used that extra day to visit a clinic for children with leprosy. What he saw changed his perspective and his life, saying that the things he witnessed, he “…couldn’t just dismiss and pretend I didn’t see”.

So moved was he that he helped to raise money for the clinic that he visited, and over time he also created the Steve Waugh Foundation which helps to improve the quality of life for children and young people living with rare diseases.

Losing a game of cricket at an international level is tough, no doubt about it, but not as tough as what some people go through every day. He could have chosen to sit in his hotel room, maybe spend some time by the pool and drown his sorrows, but he chose to focus on other people and it changed everything.

Where we look shapes how we see the world. If we are always looking at those who have more than us then we will always feel a lack. But when we shift our gaze to those who have less then we will feel that we have plenty, which is the birthplace of gratitude, out of which grows generosity.

Which way are you looking?