Tag: Anxiety

Don’t Get Stuck

Published on by Kieran Johnson - The Generosity GuyLeave a comment

“What causes a problem matters less than what maintains it” – Trevor Kashey

“Who did this?”

The question hung in the silence for what seemed like an eternity as two sets of eyes looked back at me in fear, eagerly waiting to see how they should respond to this emotional time, depending on how upset I was.

Another broken item in the home. Not an uncommon experience although it is one that drives me a little crazy.

My desire to get to the bottom of who, what, why and when of these sorts of situations can be helpful to figure out just what happened, but at the same time it can cause greater stress than the traumatic breaking of the breakfast bowl.

The result can leave kids being so afraid of breaking something that they get anxious about carrying a bowl from the kitchen to the table and in their anxiety, drop said bowl and break it. Creating more anxiety. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.

This can happen in any area of life. We can get so caught up in avoiding failure that we are afraid to act, and when something does inevitably go wrong, we can expend all this energy figuring out who or what caused it, getting stuck in the process of dealing out blame. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for accountability and being responsible for your actions, but if it’s just about discovering who to get angry at then we have missed the point. Anger doesn’t create solutions. Blame doesn’t create growth.

Instead of asking, “who did this?”, a better question is “what can we learn from this?”, or “how do we grow from this?” or “how can we improve this?”

Who or what causes a problem ‘matters less than what maintains it.’ It’s not about how we got here but it’s about where to from here.

Generosity is Good for Your Mental Health

Published on by Kieran Johnson - The Generosity GuyLeave a comment

It is something that studies have revealed frequently over the last decade, generosity is good for you. It feels good and it improves happiness.

It also turns out that the specific type of generous act can have an impact as well. A study was done to see what happens to the brain when people act generously. People were given the opportunity to give money to someone that they knew (someone they had been introduced to in the study) who needed it, a charity or to themselves. Now it is no surprise that when the study participants chose to give money to someone they knew who needed it, or to a charity, they felt good – better than when they gave it to themselves. The areas of the brain that ‘lit up’ where those that are linked to the reward system, providing a feeling of satisfaction and happiness. This is a common finding in a number of studies.

What was surprising is that when the participants chose to give money to someone that they knew, this action, which is called targeted support, was associated with diminished activity in the amygdala. The amygdala gets a great deal of attention nowadays because it is the section of the brain which is connected to emotions, the fight or flight response, anxiety, phobias and post traumatic stress disorder. This diminished activity leads to less anxiety and other mental health issues. Generosity is good for your mental health.

But it must be heartfelt rather than begrudgingly done. To get the true benefits of generosity for your mental health it is best to be generous on purpose. Be intentional with who and what you are giving to.