Tag: Selfish

Why I hate most TV shows

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There is no story without a problem. You need conflict. If a story doesn’t have conflict, it’s not a story, it’s an anecdote and it’s boring.

The majority of conflict in TV shows is based on deception. On avoiding a hard conversation. On hiding something from someone else so they don’t get upset, and then the next 18 minutes is dedicated to covering your tracks so you don’t get found out in a lie.

Each 20-minute tv show has an A, B and C storyline. That’s potentially three different stories of deception that happen every episode. For a standard 10-episode series, that is 30 potential conflicts from deception and lies. Don’t get me started on seasons with 20 or more episodes in them. And often these are family-based sitcoms. It’s “okay” though because everything gets found out by the end, it will be funny and then resolved within half an hour.

What is that teaching us, or more importantly, what is that teaching our kids? That you can lie, try to cover it up and that’s how relationships work?

It misses the issue of consequences, many of which are unintended, and what happens in relationships when we are unable to be truthful with those that we do daily life with.

Lies and deception are anti-generosity. They are selfish. They break relationships. The cover up afterwards serves only you. We like to think that we are saving others from a difficult situation or a painful truth, but it’s always about saving ourselves from it.

Generosity in conflict is loving honesty. Sure, it’s harder to do but it puts other people at the heart of the issue, instead of my desire to avoid of a difficult conversation.

So, I find myself avoiding sit-coms now. I’m not looking for unnecessary drama.

If Carbs can be complex, why can’t I?

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Simple carbohydrates can be broken down quickly by the body and used as energy, leading to a spike in energy levels.

Complex carbohydrates take longer for the body to break down and used as energy and are released gradually. Both can be useful.

Simple Carbs can be found in processed and refined sugars.

Complex carbs can be found in fruit and milk products.

That’s the layman’s definition of complex carbs, you know, the explanation that I can understand.

So, if carbohydrates can be complex, why can’t I?

People are more complex than carbohydrates, dramatically so. So why do we continue to fit people into categories, or groups, or profiles?

I can be both shallow and deep, both serious and funny, both charming and offensive, both loving and a jerk, and everything else in between. Certainly I try to spend most of my time in the more positive areas of character but I’m not great all the time. Sometimes I make mistakes, I say the wrong thing, I am thoughtless in my actions, I am selfish. If you have any remnants of self awareness as you are reading this you will know that you are the same, which makes it more important that we provide grace to those around us and recognise that people, like carbohydrates, can be complex.

Let’s not write someone off because they said or did the wrong thing once – give them grace and boundaries, and invite them to try again.

Golf is Dumb

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I know that millions of men and many women will be very upset with me right now, but I don’t see the drawcard.

It is elitist. You need a whole set of things just to get started. You need many hours to play one full round. To become good at it requires many rounds of many hours.

It’s a first world game. You need a huge area of land, with superhuman upkeep to ensure the surface you are playing on is green and tidy.

It is selfish. At best, you can share it with 3 other people.  No one can sit and watch you.

No one is that good at it. It’s like gambling. The house always wins. The course always wins. Sure, you might have a good day and come out on top, but the more you play the more you lose.

The problem I have is there are people that I really like who play golf and seem to enjoy it. How do I tell them that what they are doing is dumb?

Is it possible that the thing I think is dumb is just not for me? Perhaps other people could actually enjoy it. Perhaps it could bring some benefit to them even though I can’t see how.

Generosity would suggest that it is not only possible but highly likely.

My ego would disagree.

Am I really that bad?

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My nephew* is great. How he engages with my younger kids is remarkable, even though they are about 10 years younger than him. He finds the time and energy to play with them. Not bad for a teenager.

My wife was commenting on this the other day and I agreed, saying that “I never would have done that at his age. I wouldn’t have thought about others the way he does. I probably still don’t.”

Without hesitation, without a second thought, without any internal debate, my wife responded, “Yeah.” Fully agreeing with my self-assessment. It was said with a smile, with a some humour to it, but behind the humour was the subliminal message which said, “but seriously, you don’t”.

Brutal.

It sent me on a bit of a downward spiral. I know I’m not great sometimes but am I really that bad?

I think of other people, don’t I?

I know that I am self-centred, it’s something that I have wrestled with for a long time, and something that I am sure that I will wrestle with for a long time to come. I used to operate from a place of being so afraid of letting people down, or falling short of people’s expectations that I would avoid any sense of responsibility in life. I didn’t want to promise to do something and then not do what I said I was going to. Under promise and over deliver. Or never promise and never deliver. I was a little like Eleanor Shellstrop from the Good Place, “You don’t owe me anything, I don’t owe you anything.”

I thought I had changed my ways. I thought I was a better person than I used to be. I probably am, but here is what I realised after the humorous/serious “Yeah.”:

There is a difference between thinking about others, and then verbalising and acting on those thoughts.

It appears I still have some work to do to shift my thinking into action.

*I have many nephews and nieces; they are all great. This story just so happens to be about one of them.

2 Selfish Reasons to Care about Developing Countries

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Somewhere along the lines we decided that if we got something in return for being generous, then that wasn’t okay. For some reason it was thought that for an act to be a good thing to do then we should receive no benefit from it at all.

It’s an interesting thought and has led to hundreds of years of miserable generosity. So many people have been missing out experiencing the joy of giving purely because they thought it was wrong. There is a danger though. A danger of only doing a good thing for a completely selfish reason without concern for others at all. I think we can all admit that that behaviour feels wrong and we should probably avoid it.

In saying that, I consider some things too important to care about whether people are doing it for the right reason. Like ending poverty for example. Australia lives in amongst some of the poorest countries, they are our neighbours. Why should we care?

Well, here are two selfish reasons from Bill Gates:

  1. For Our Safety

It is to our benefit to see developing countries improve their income which improves education. Education equals stability, and less reason for radical idealisation and terrorism.

Also, and this is a big one, if we can overcome poverty in developing countries this will lead to improved healthcare and less disease because they will be able to diagnose and treat diseases more effectively (did someone say Coronavirus?). If we can equip all countries with the best medical care, it will literally save our lives down the track.

2. For Our Prosperity

This should be a no-brainer for us, living in a capitalist society and all. If we have more countries overcoming poverty, creating extra income, then all of a sudden we have hundreds of millions of new potential customers for our products. In short, history shows us that a richer Japan equals a richer world. What about a richer Indonesia, or India, or Pakistan? We are leaving money on the table.

There are other non-selfish reasons as well, but surely these two are pretty significant by themselves.

I am Selfish

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People will generally talk about and teach on the topic they struggle with the most. Because in that struggle comes the wisdom and learning, it doesn’t mean that the person has overcome the struggle completely, it just means they are wrestling with it.

It’s interesting to note that I talk most about being generous and how that is good for you. What that really means that I am naturally a selfish person. In just about all areas of my life I am a person who is wrestling with self-centeredness but striving for generosity.

It is tough and has been ongoing for as long as I can remember.

The reason I find it a struggle is that generosity is difficult, costly, time consuming and is about other people. I find it hard to think of others when I am so conscious of my own needs and wants, but not theirs. It is natural for me to only see the world through my own eyes, because they are the only eyes I have.

So, I immerse myself in the idea of giving because I know that giving is better than receiving, those who are generous will be blessed and will be a blessing – basically giving is good for you and the world.

Jesus lived a most generous life. He saw the hearts and the hurts of those around Him. He walked with them, laughed with them, cried with them, healed them, prayed for them and then died for them. His compassion for people is something I want to emulate.

So I talk about generosity a lot – not because I have mastered it but because I am still wrestling.