Tag: Good things

Quiet Farty

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It still makes me laugh now when I think about it. My youngest must have been about 3 years old when the discussion about farting became very funny for her. We didn’t want to avoid the awkward subject, and sometimes things got out of hand when one of the kids was described as ‘Farty McFart-Face’ (maybe by me). There was one instance as were sitting around after bath time when the kids were getting ready for bed and I thought I could smell something. My 3 year old looked at me with a cheeky smile and said, “Quiet farty”.

I couldn’t stop laughing. It was, and I think still is, the funniest thing I have ever heard. Sure, it probably helps if you have the maturity of a 3-year-old too.

Those sorts of moments don’t happen unless you give space, unless you dwell in the quiet of the moment. But they are the moments you will remember. That’s the good stuff.

It might feel like there are so many bad things happening. The stuff that we hear about day to day, the loudest things, are unpleasant, tragic, devastating, sad and overwhelming. What is happening in our world? Where are the good things? Where are the good people?

James Clear says that “good things are always happening quietly”. That’s how it has always been. The good things and the good people aren’t as in your face, but they are there and they are stronger than any of the bad things that happen in our world. But they do require that you give yourself space to notice them, that you dwell in the quiet. Take a step back from the noise and the loudness of the bad to see the good happening all around you.

2025 Theme – Choose

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One thing that I have found very easy to do is to feel sorry for myself. It’s almost a natural reflex. When something happens, (and it could be anything), I can find a way for it to seem like a rough experience for me.

Working for an organisation that empowers people to work their way out of poverty, I have firsthand experience in seeing just how challenging life can be for those living in developing countries. This gives me a unique perspective on how good my life is, how easy, how untroubled, how safe. So, how can I possibly feel sorry for myself?

Well, I can still find a way to do just that. The weather is too hot, or too cold. My air-conditioned office is too hot, or too cold. My coffee is too hot, or too cold. I’m so tired today. My kids are too loud. The tv is too loud, or too soft. There is too much to do. There is not enough to do. I’m bored. I’m over stimulated. There’s nothing to watch on my numerous streaming services. I don’t have enough time in the day.

I find myself living in a cognitive dissonance, of knowing that I have a great deal, more than most, to be grateful for, but sulking about how life is hard.

James Clear is one of my favourite authors and this quote is helping me to adjust my thinking for this coming year:

“Different meanings can be assigned to the same events. Look for evidence of how the world is encouraging you, and you will find it. Look for evidence of how the world is burdening you, and you will find it. Choose an explanation that empowers you.”

You find what you look for in life. You get to choose what you look for, and therefore you get to choose what you find.

For me, in 2025 I will choose to look for the encouraging things, for the good things, for the generosity. I will let you know if I find it.

Good Things

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I think we all have an innate sense to hold on to what we have. Loss Aversion is a strong cognitive bias which suggests the pain of losing something is twice as bad as the pleasure of gaining something. So, we hold on.

As you could imagine, this bias makes it very difficult to be generous. Giving something away is at odds with Loss Aversion. It goes against everything that we feel is right.

The result of this, if left unchecked, is that we can become stuck in a place where we don’t want to give anything up, which could be holding us back from taking the next step, from growing. Specifically, when it comes to money, loss aversion can create stinginess, keeping us in a small, dark place where the accumulation of money is the only focus.

To overcome the obstacle of Loss Aversion, it is best to give some money away. When you do that two things happen:

  1. Something shifts within you.

The psychological impact of giving money away allows you to see the world differently. What you thought would be a loss, turns out to be something different. Not only does it feel good to do good, but giving money away shows you that you don’t need as much as you think and it lessens the burden of seeking to accumulate.

2. Something shifts in the world.

Both in the way you see the world and the actual world. All of a sudden, the world appears to you as a place that is redeemable. A place that you can make a difference to and one that is filled with good people trying to do good things.

The world will also be a better place because you have put some money in the hands of those good people trying to do good things.

Overcome loss aversion. Give some money away and see the difference it makes to you and the world.

First: Action

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It is perhaps the most challenging part of being an adult – realising that most good things in life come after action. Be that motivation, inspiration, momentum, direction, creative juices, freshly baked cookies…you name it.

On the flipside, there are very few desirable things that come from inaction.

It’s the same for the feeling of fulfilment and joy that come after a generous act. We know that the brain and the body respond in positive ways when we are generous to others. We like the feeling of our brain and body responding like that. But we don’t always do the thing that brings about that feeling.

It first requires action. It needs proactive behaviour that chooses to be generous first, then experience the good things follow.

To find the good things in life, you must act first. To find that good feeling and the positive outcomes of generosity, you first must be generous. The beauty is that it can start with your thoughts. You can even think generously about someone and start to receive some of the benefits. But don’t leave it there. It’s not a real act until you act it out.