Author: Kieran Johnson - The Generosity Guy

Hi there! My names is Kieran and I am your Generosity Guy-de, to assist you to find your purpose. In a charity saturated world, I am the one that will walk beside you to help you navigate through the overwhelming noise and create the kind of change that you want to see. I started out my working life in banking. I found myself in Melbourne selling financial products to financial planners. After countless meetings in which I was told how many millions of dollars they each had in funds under management, I realised I didn’t care about that. Creating more wealth for the wealthy did not motivate me. So, I decided to find what did. Through a journey of community radio and some time with World Vision promoting 40 Hour Famine and partnering with philanthropists whilst working with Opportunity International Australia, I realised that what motivates me is to inspire individuals and businesses in Australia to discover their purpose in generosity. And that through their generosity they can ending poverty, one family and one community at a time, through the power of a small loan. Providing small loans and other financial services allows families in India and Indonesia to build their own small businesses and earn reliable incomes, giving them the tools they need to break free from the poverty cycle. I am married to Ash and father to Molly, Jethro, Harvey & Willow. Life is good.

If Carbs can be complex, why can’t I?

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Simple carbohydrates can be broken down quickly by the body and used as energy, leading to a spike in energy levels.

Complex carbohydrates take longer for the body to break down and used as energy and are released gradually. Both can be useful.

Simple Carbs can be found in processed and refined sugars.

Complex carbs can be found in fruit and milk products.

That’s the layman’s definition of complex carbs, you know, the explanation that I can understand.

So, if carbohydrates can be complex, why can’t I?

People are more complex than carbohydrates, dramatically so. So why do we continue to fit people into categories, or groups, or profiles?

I can be both shallow and deep, both serious and funny, both charming and offensive, both loving and a jerk, and everything else in between. Certainly I try to spend most of my time in the more positive areas of character but I’m not great all the time. Sometimes I make mistakes, I say the wrong thing, I am thoughtless in my actions, I am selfish. If you have any remnants of self awareness as you are reading this you will know that you are the same, which makes it more important that we provide grace to those around us and recognise that people, like carbohydrates, can be complex.

Let’s not write someone off because they said or did the wrong thing once – give them grace and boundaries, and invite them to try again.

The Generosity of Confidence

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“Confidence is your ability to see yourself as flawed, as imperfect, but still hold yourself in high regard.” – Esther Perel, quoting a friend.

For some, confidence is all about bravado. About ‘faking it til you make it’. About focusing only on the good things and covering over anything that is bad so that no one sees it, and so it doesn’t exist. It is strength. It is power. It is arrogance.

They also would consider humility a weakness, and something to be avoided at all costs because you ‘cannot be strong and humble’.

I strongly disagree.

There is a strength that comes with being self-aware enough to know that you are flawed, and you are imperfect, but at the same time you can be confident in who you are and what you bring.

Failing to recognise your flaws and imperfections is not strength, or confidence. That is weakness. Everyone else can see it. Even if you think you are excellent at hiding it, it seeps out. Everyone knows you are flawed and imperfect. Don’t kid yourself, because you would be the only person you are kidding.

This humble strength is innately generous. It gives you space to recognise that you aren’t what you want to be yet, but even so, who you are right now is awesome. You can be confident in that.

We All Lose

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If you line up ten people and ask them to tell a story about the worst thing that has ever happened to them, you will notice two things…

  1. Some people go through some incredibly heavy stuff
  2. Everyone has lost something or someone, or had something or someone taken from them

If you have gone through something traumatic, firstly, I’m really sorry that has happened to you, but also you are not unique. We all have some level of trauma in life eventually and it’s a waste of time trying to compare who has had the most trauma or the hardest life, because whilst someone else may have technically had a harder time, it does not diminish the challenges you have faced. Life is hard.

The real key is what you do with those challenges. Do you let them overwhelm you and break you down, or do you use them as fuel to grow in spite of the obstacles? Sounds simple, but certainly not easy.

There is the phenomenon of Post Traumatic Growth which can occur. Unfortunately, for it to happen there needs to be trauma, and then a heck of a lot of work to turn it into something beautiful. But loss and tragedy don’t automatically mean things will stay negative and bad in life. Sometimes they can be the catalyst for the greatest things.

We all lose something, and/or have something taken away from us. It is how we live in and through that tragedy that creates what type of life we have.

But where are the sea lions?

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“I made the booking and didn’t know what was going to happen” a Friend told me, when describing a trip she had organised to swim with sea lions in the ocean.

It turned out to be a wonderful day at a beautiful spot, but no sea lions turned up. Undeterred, she said “sometimes the sea lions don’t swim with you.”

The truth of that became embedded in my mind and is something that I come back to regularly. It captures our world perfectly and flies in the face of what we think we can control.

You can do everything within your power; make the booking, turn up at the right time, wear the right gear, have the right mindset, but in the end there are things that are outside of your control that can get in the way. Sometimes sea lions don’t operate on our schedule or according to our wishes.

In response to that we could waste time and energy cursing the sea lions, or our bad luck because we missed out, but generally the only thing that we can do is to accept that sometimes sea lions don’t swim with us.

It is highly likely that in any one area of your life right now, something outside of your control is stopping you from doing something that you want to do, perhaps they are sea lions, perhaps something else – are your cursing or accepting?

Remember, sea lions run on their own schedule.

Your Unhealthy Opinion

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“You always own the option of having no opinion.” – Marcus Aurelias

“Can you believe this?”

The question startled me from my own thoughts – I don’t remember what I was thinking about because of the interruption, but I do remember that I was enjoying my thoughts. So, I started this interaction from a grumpy place.

“Believe what?” I asked tersely.

“What this politician said. They are only looking after their own interest and don’t care about anyone else. This guy is a real jerk.”

Honestly, I don’t even remember which politician this conversation was about, but I do remember feeling like this other person was trying to draw me into the drama they were experiencing in their own mind.

I’m not a fan of drama, real or perceived. I am also not a fan of someone trying to recruit me to be a party to their drams, real of perceived. I think it is a waste of time and energy.

Now, sometimes I have felt like a jerk for that and maybe like I am being heartless. When that feeling comes up though I am reminded of Marcus Aurelias and his thoughts on opinions (see the above quote).

It’s healthy to care a great deal about some things, if you don’t that’s a problem. But you don’t have to care about everything. You can’t possibly. If you did it’s likely that at some stage you would give too much energy to something you can’t change and not enough energy to something that is truly important.

The beauty is that you get to choose what you care about and have an opinion of. If something is not in your top 3 or 5 or 10 priorities, remember, you don’t need an opinion.

Get Out of Your Head

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I sometimes have what I call an ‘out of body experience’ where I almost come to terms with the fact that I can only view the world through my own eyes in this present moment, but at the same time there are billions of other people doing exactly the same thing, and this has been happening my entire life, and I assume for a long time before that (I don’t actually know, I wasn’t there but people I know were). How can I balance the entire weight of human history and everything that has ever been done with the reality that I can only experience this moment by myself in my own head. It’s like the sound of one hand clapping, or a tree falling in the woods etc.

Being inside my head is mostly boring I admit, but at times it can be a chaotic, trippy and enlightening place. The problem is that if I stay that I get so caught up in my own thoughts and feelings that I feed my selfishness and offer no value to those around me.

Maybe you can relate, or maybe for you it’s a different experience of a downward spiral of troubling thoughts, or unhappy feelings, or a land of insecurity. But generally getting stuck in your own head with your own thoughts for too long doesn’t end well.

The greatest weapon we have against selfishness, unhelpful thoughts or feelings or insecurity when we get caught in our own heads, is generosity. There is a reason that on the steps in the 12 Step Groups, is to ask their members to be of service because it helps them get out of their own heads.

When you do something for someone else it is a circuit breaker for your own thoughts and feelings. Being of use to another person stops your downward spiral, even for a moment, and helps you see that there is a whole world of people right in front of you, who you can do something for.

That is of greater value that any ‘out of body’ experience I can create for myself.

The Real Reason for Generosity

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There are so many reasons to give. So many positives. So many benefits for everyone involved.

Many of these are on the periphery of the actual act.

When it comes down to it, the main reason why you should give is the difference that it makes in the lives of those who benefit from your generosity.

No matter the motivations for giving, the different ways, or the different reasons, one thing that connects every generous act is the impact the giving has.

I saw it. The courage of a women who just lost her husband through the COVID pandemic, left to raise three children on her own, who took a loan to create a business and a sustainable income. Who found a way forward with her life after going through the depths of tragedy and poverty. The giving from people in Australia made this type of difference possible. Tara inspired me. So did her children.

So, I choose to give to an organisation that works internationally, that is accredited through the Australian Government, that reports back on the impact it is having. You may choose to do it differently, but the reason you give is the same as the reason I do. Something needs to change and I am in a position to help change it.

Where Freedom is Found

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Some definitions of freedom suggest that it means you can do whatever you want. That sounds great but it’s not true.

British-born Zen master Houn Jiyu-Kennett’s goal in her teaching style wasn’t to lighten the burden of the student, but to make it so heavy that he or she would put it down.

You simply can’t do everything. You can certainly try but something will pay the price.

Our time, energy and resources are finite and when we say ‘yes’ to something, it means saying ‘no’ to something else.

Saying ‘yes’ to more Netflix means saying no to exercise, conversation, practicing guitar, reading to your kids, gardening.

Saying ‘yes’ to sleeping in again means saying no to starting the day early, getting a run in, eating a leisurely breakfast, playing with your kids before school, gardening*.

It’s not just about the potentially unhealthy things we say yes to, it’s also about all the unnecessary things we say yes to. The extra committee you join, the extra responsibility at work, the volunteer role as coach for your kids sporting team – all good things, but what are they costing?

Freedom is found in the simple things. Freedom is found in the quiet moments. Freedom is found in saying ‘no’.

As an act of generosity to yourself, say no to something…

*I actually don’t garden, but I assume that it is a good thing to do. People seem to like it.

The Sun Doesn’t Care

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One time when I was playing Australian Rules Football, I broke my leg so badly that it required two and half hours or surgery, a metal rod, a skin graft and nine days in hospital.

When I was on the brink of heading home after this ordeal, a doctor appeared in my hospital room to check over my wound before being released. I had never seen this doctor before (and didn’t see him again after this brief interaction). He loudly announced that he didn’t like the look of things and was “worried about infection”, so I wasn’t going home that day. Another night in hospital was required.

In the grand scheme of things, one night in hospital is nothing, and I don’t even remember what that extra night felt like now, but at the time it was the worst thing in the world. I just wanted to be home and it seemed to be so far from my reach in that moment.

Sometimes we can feel like we are so far from where we want to be. Like we are trapped in a never-ending loop keeping us from living our real life. Stuck trying to complete the boring stuff so we can get to the interesting part, but the boring stuff never ends.

In those moments, in order to not become bogged in the depths of despair, gratitude is our greatest weapon. Ironically, it can also be the hardest thing to find when we are in that space. The most grateful people that I have come across are those that practice it. They find things to be grateful for in any situation and it comes to them naturally after a while.

If you are curious about gratitude and need a place to start, my go to is to be grateful for sunlight. It sounds a bit simple but it is one of the foundations of life, and it doesn’t come with baggage or opinions.  It shines on the deserving and undeserving. The good and the bad. The happy and the sad. It does not discriminate. I am grateful for that.

P.S.

I made it home from hospital. A day late for sure, but it all worked out, even if it didn’t feel like it would.

Quiet Farty

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It still makes me laugh now when I think about it. My youngest must have been about 3 years old when the discussion about farting became very funny for her. We didn’t want to avoid the awkward subject, and sometimes things got out of hand when one of the kids was described as ‘Farty McFart-Face’ (maybe by me). There was one instance as were sitting around after bath time when the kids were getting ready for bed and I thought I could smell something. My 3 year old looked at me with a cheeky smile and said, “Quiet farty”.

I couldn’t stop laughing. It was, and I think still is, the funniest thing I have ever heard. Sure, it probably helps if you have the maturity of a 3-year-old too.

Those sorts of moments don’t happen unless you give space, unless you dwell in the quiet of the moment. But they are the moments you will remember. That’s the good stuff.

It might feel like there are so many bad things happening. The stuff that we hear about day to day, the loudest things, are unpleasant, tragic, devastating, sad and overwhelming. What is happening in our world? Where are the good things? Where are the good people?

James Clear says that “good things are always happening quietly”. That’s how it has always been. The good things and the good people aren’t as in your face, but they are there and they are stronger than any of the bad things that happen in our world. But they do require that you give yourself space to notice them, that you dwell in the quiet. Take a step back from the noise and the loudness of the bad to see the good happening all around you.