Tag: Philanthropy

KFC for the Soul

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KFC can be nice on occasion. KFC chips are a specialty in our household. Not everyday mind you, not even every week. It’s probably been a few months since we last stopped past and picked some up. It was a nice treat.

That aside, KFC is bad for you. If you were to eat it every day, for every meal it would destroy your body and general health, as well as your negatively impact your mental health.

In the same way, Johann Hari notes that “materialism is like KFC for the soul”. It’s nice once in a while, but if you live in it all day everyday it will destroy your body and general health, as well as negatively impact your mental health.

Materialism is devastating because of the continuous infiltration of messaging in our lives that tells us that to feel better, to look better, to find more love, to overcome our sadness and depression and anxiety we just need to buy more, to upgrade, to get another one, to get a newer one, to have more than one. By doing that we will find happiness, purpose, and everything we have ever dreamed of. Except we don’t.

The crazy thing about this is that we know it. We know that buying stuff doesn’t solve anything long term. We get a nice feeling in the moment but it doesn’t last long enough to get the newly purchased item home before the sadness starts to sneak back in.

One of the methods to help overcome our emotional challenges is to focus less on the self and more of ‘we’. Giving to other people, through time, money and expertise, can help overcome the isolation that depression and anxiety can bring. Generosity is the superfood for the soul. It is so good for us it is almost beyond belief, but it’s real. You can’t have too much of it either, that’s how good it is for you.

The Root

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“It wasn’t my fault.”

“It happened to me.”

“I was at the whim of a greater power.”

“The Devil made me do it.”

It can feel good to say those things.

When something bad happens to us it’s nice when we realise that we couldn’t do anything about it and we are just a victim to the situation.

Another statement in line with this thinking is that “Money is the root of all evil”.

If that is true, then it’s not my fault if I make bad decisions with money. Money is bad. Nothing good comes from it. Anyone who has money must be bad too.

But, that statement isn’t true. Not in the format that we might know it. You see, that’s only part of the statement. The full statement is ‘the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil’.

That’s not as fun because instead of being at the whim of a greater power, this would suggest that I have agency in the process. I can control the things that I give my attention and affection to. I can control what I focus on. I can certainly control whether or not I love an inanimate object like money. So, then it is my fault. When we love money, we do bad stuff. Bad stuff to ourselves and other people.

Money is not bad in and of itself. People who have money are not inherently bad or evil, although by their proximity to it they are at greater risk of falling in love with it and what it can bring them.

One key thing; there is enough money on the planet to lift everyone out of poverty. If we were all to love it a little less, then much evil would be overcome.

Think smaller (a little bit)

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For some, (including me), the idea of a massive goal, or a significant aim in life can make them freeze. Whilst others may be excited and motivated by a massive challenge, the first group look up at where they are aiming and stop, loosing all momentum. Usually this happens when there is a large, ambiguous gap between where they are and where they want to be with no idea of how to bridge that gap.

If you find yourself in that place, something that can be really helpful is to think small(er).

Instead of chasing your dream, do 3 things today that gets you a step closer. Find 3 specific things that you can do which will shift you a little closer to that end goal. Not only will this help you un-freeze, but it will also begin to create a little momentum towards it.

It’s the same with generosity. I’ve met many people who want to one day give millions of dollars away, which is an amazing goal. But, usually there is a big gap between where they are and the reality of that goal and so they don’t do anything.  So I encourage them to do these three things.

  1. Live within your means
  2. Give some money away
  3. Create a plan to make more money

Doing these three things each day or week will put you in the right place to give millions of dollars away if your goals come to fruition.

Baby Steps

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Generosity is innate within us, of this I am sure. It’s what we choose to do with it that impacts how much of a role it plays in later life.

Studies of toddlers less than 18 months old show that they are likely to help out others to acquire out-of-reach objects and opening cupboards for them. Now this happens whether there is a reward or a commendation from adults around them. In fact, it turns out that external rewards undermined the tendency to help.

Here are the things this teaches us:

Young children are motivated intrinsically to help out, rather than by external rewards. They are motivated by the desire to see someone else helped rather than to be seen to provide help. And they are less likely to help when asked or encouraged to do so.

That general generosity is in every human. In you and me. You are intrinsically motivated to help people. You are motived more by the desire to see someone else helped than to provide the help and if someone tells you to be generous you are less inclined to do it.

(That last one put me in spot because that’s my whole thing…)

Young children are pro-social. You are pro-social. We lose it if we don’t practice.

See study info here and here

The Hidden Cost of Not Being Generous (and why it is foolish)

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“There’s such a strong association between wellbeing and altruism that it would be foolish not to live altruistically,” Steve Taylor, Senior Lecturer at Leeds Becket University

Being kind and generous to other people is so good for you, it’s silly if you don’t do it. That’s essentially what Steve Taylor is saying. There has been a long history of scientific and anecdotal studies that have backed this up for decades. There have also been religious and theological philosophies which have touted this for centuries and millennia. Why do we still struggle to do it? Why do I find it so hard to be kind and generous to people around me? Why do I get so caught up in my own head and self-centredness that I don’t see what I can do for others?

One of the greatest contradictions in life (I think so anyway) is that motivation to do something comes after you have first started to do the thing. You have to ‘do’ before you ‘feel’.

It’s the same with generosity. First comes the action, then comes the good feeling, followed by the motivation to do more good in the world, and then the good feeling again.

You are doing yourself a dis-service by being stingy. The good news is that this can shift with just the smallest of actions. Do something tiny for someone else. Notice how it makes you feel and dwell on it. This will fuel you to do more and dramatically improve your wellbeing.

Accidentally Generous

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Back when $50 was a lot of money, I went out for a dinner with friends that I couldn’t really afford. It was my last $50 before pay day the next week. We were all light on cash but went out anyway.

I ordered a miserly meal so that I would get enough change to make my way through the next few days. As it came time to pay I thought we were pooling money together and divvying up appropriate change. I handed my $50 to one of my friends, who took it as if I was paying for his dinner as well – thanked me, winked and walked off to pay. He thought I was being generous. I was not. Deciding not to run after him to create an incredibly awkward situation of it all, I let it happen. I guess you could say I was accidentally generous.

I don’t remember how I got through the next few days, but I made it through alive obviously. It’s only in time that I realise it costs less to be generous that we think. The idea of giving money to someone or something else feels as if it will hurt, but in reality the benefit it brings far outweighs the cost or pain we might feel in giving it.

So, don’t wait for it to happen by accident. Be generous on purpose.

Entitlement and Generosity

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“Hey! I’m going through a hard time here!”

It’s hard to argue with someone who is going through something tough. We’ve all been there too, when life becomes especially challenging, it is amazing to have good people around to show a little extra grace and thoughtfulness during that time, to be on the receiving end of their generosity for a bit.

But, what happens when someone stays there, or lives there permanently? There are those that you may come across who are always going through a tough time in life, and are constantly on the receiving end of people’s generosity. If they tire out the people around them, that’s okay, they find new people to feel sorry for them and be generous. They are a constant victim. They are the entitled victim.

Entitlement says, “You should be generous to me because my life is hard. You owe me.” That type of victim behaviour damages relationships and people. It is toxic and unhealthy.

We should always seek to be generous to those around us who are going through a challenging time. I have experienced that and it is wonderful.

And sometimes being generous to someone requires calling them out on their entitlement and putting healthy boundaries in place.

The Banquet

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“Sooner or later we all sit down to a banquet of consequences.” Robert Louis Stevenson

Another way to put it is, ‘you reap what you sow’, or ‘all of your chickens will come home to roost’.

If you act selfishly, keeping others at a distance, living in a zero-sum style, you will damage relationships, people and places. Over time, at some stage you will be faced with the fruit of that sort of lifestyle.

But it’s not just a negative situation. If you spend time acting generously, loving others, giving time and space for those in your life, then you will sit down to a banquet of generous, loving, timely and spacious consequences.

It can be hard to be generous. I should know, I have been talking about it for years and still have moments of utter selfishness, but even in the striving for generous acts there is a reward that comes to others and, yes, to you too. The reward is relational for sure, but also financial. (See Adam Grant’s book, Give and Take).

This reward is not the reason that we strive for generosity, but it is the fruit that comes as a result of the actions. Being generous brings good things.

The Real Reason for Generosity

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There are so many reasons to give. So many positives. So many benefits for everyone involved.

Many of these are on the periphery of the actual act.

When it comes down to it, the main reason why you should give is the difference that it makes in the lives of those who benefit from your generosity.

No matter the motivations for giving, the different ways, or the different reasons, one thing that connects every generous act is the impact the giving has.

I saw it. The courage of a women who just lost her husband through the COVID pandemic, left to raise three children on her own, who took a loan to create a business and a sustainable income. Who found a way forward with her life after going through the depths of tragedy and poverty. The giving from people in Australia made this type of difference possible. Tara inspired me. So did her children.

So, I choose to give to an organisation that works internationally, that is accredited through the Australian Government, that reports back on the impact it is having. You may choose to do it differently, but the reason you give is the same as the reason I do. Something needs to change and I am in a position to help change it.

What Drives Healthy Generosity

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Generosity comes into existence through action. People give because they are responding to a situation that they cannot stand anymore. They simply must do something to right a particular wrong, or to create a better version of the current reality.

This imperative comes from a place deep within, and many people who give are not able to articulate exactly why they do. They just feel compelled to do so.

But it comes from values.

Someone places value on human life, and when they see something happening in the world, be it poverty, war, famine or other injustices, that rubs up against their value. Usually they see something that reflects an image of themself. It might be children, or women, or parents.

They then give as a response to their values being challenged.

This is an extremely healthy way to give. It comes from a place of purity. And it is usually the starting point of a giving journey, which begins with that almost visceral response and then eventually leads to a place where an individual has a well thought out philosophy of philanthropy with a portfolio of organisations they support for a number of reasons. But at the heart is the imperative that first prompted their generosity. That never leaves.