Tag: Rules

‘My Life My Rules’ and other selfish life philosophies

Published on by Kieran Johnson - The Generosity GuyLeave a comment

“New Rule, I get to do whatever I like.”  Ellenor Shellstrop, The Good Place

There are a number of ways to view this world which may sound appealing but in reality the lead to pain and suffering. Let’s look at a few.

“I can do whatever I want to do.”

This is totally true, you can do whatever you want, but you reap what you sow. You sow chaos, you reap chaos. You sow selfishness, you reap selfishness. You sow generosity, you reap generosity. There are always consequences for your actions. They may not line up exactly but generally you get back what you give out.

“You can’t tell me what to do.”

I totally agree. As an adult, no one can tell you what to do. You can do anything you like. There is nothing stopping you. But if no one has the chance to speak into your life you miss out on all sorts of wisdom. Also, if you live life without boundaries or restrictions, with nothing off limits, you hurt the people around you and you hurt yourself.

“That sounds like a ‘You’ problem.”

At one level, this appears to create healthy boundaries and at the same time it encourages personal responsibility, but it is born from a lack of empathy and a disconnect from other people’s life and emotions. Essentially it is a way of saying “I don’t care about you and what is happening in your life”. You could say that instead, it would certainly take care of any pesky ‘friendships’ you may have.

“I don’t owe anyone anything”

It sounds like independence, but it is filled with arrogance and self-centredness. It also completely misses the interconnectedness that we have with each other. No one on the planet got where they are without the help of a large amount of people. We owe it to each other to give back to others.

“My life, my rules.”

This one encapsulates a few different one’s together. Again, this almost sounds great and encouraging to hear people living their own life, but being part of a community, any community, requires living by other people’s rules sometimes because of the broader benefit to the wider group. Think of speed limits, or anti-corruption laws, or the general understanding that you whisper when you are in the local library. There are a number of times when it would be to your personal benefit to ignore those rules, but we have a wider responsibility to the people around us. That understanding is the foundation of generosity.

Plus, as Steve Maraboli said,

“Selfish people tend to only be good to themselves…then are surprised when they are alone”

It’s best to not be alone.

Rules of Engagement

Published on by Kieran Johnson - The Generosity GuyLeave a comment

It is easy to call someone names. It is simple to see one thing that a person does and create a story about who they are – judge them on their behaviours. It is much harder to get to know the person, understand their journey to this point, and even empathise with them as to why they sometimes behave the way they do. But isn’t that what we all want? We can be so quick to judge people around us but expect everyone to see us for who we really are, as complex human beings, rather than as the sum of some of the stupid things we do.

There are grave dangers around what we can do to each other when we are not connected, we don’t know each other and the stories that make up our identity, and we don’t understand the intrinsic value that each person carries within them. This is no more evident than with what we see online and how we behave and treat others when there is no face to face communication.

So, I have been thinking about how I engage with people and topics, especially online. Perhaps you may find this valuable.

Rules of engagement:

  • If someone has not travelled with you through your journey of crap and disfunction, if they haven’t sat with you when you are at your worst, celebrated with you when you are at your best and dreamed with you during the times in between, they have no right to offer their opinion on what you should do. People will still offer their opinions, but you only get to listen to the ones that come from the people who have earned it.
  • Keep your political and social opinion to yourself. The only time you should share your opinion is if it is not set in concrete and can be shaped by what other people think and feel. This is called a discussion. It is a wonderful place were people are free to disagree with each other, challenge thinking and behaviour and are encouraged to own it when they think they have been wrong about something. It is a place where a person’s ideals and opinions are separated from their value as a human being – meaning that a person can say something, do something or think something that some might consider not nice or unhelpful, but they are not considered bad or evil. They are, like all of us, on a journey of growth and improvement. Because, let’s face it, in a few minutes it is likely we will be saying something, doing something or thinking something not nice or unhelpful.
  • If you do not like something on television for whatever reason, don’t watch it, don’t talk about it, don’t post on social media about it. Don’t give it air to exist. Instead focus on creating the type of content that you want to see. Act out of positivity and creativity rather than out of negativity.
  • Most of all, seek to connect and engage with other people and their story. Everything that everyone does makes sense to them. If you don’t understand them yet, ask more questions.