The Dangers of Honesty

There is an old saying,

“Do not cast your pearls before swine.”

For the longest time I didn’t understand it, as I tried to imagine what pigs would do with a bunch of pearls. Until one day I opened up to someone about an emotional challenge that I had, and they threw it back in my face.

It was in that moment that I realised I had given someone one of the most precious things that I had, part of myself, and they treated it like scraps. They stomped all over it and eventually consumed it, spat it back out and then consumed it again (that’s what it felt like anyway). As I witnessed this take place, horrified, I realised that this person mistreated my treasure, not because they wanted to but because they couldn’t treat it any other way. They simply didn’t know how to. Just like pigs would treat pearls.

I quickly learned who I could trust with that which was most precious to me, and who I couldn’t.

Honesty and transparency can be gifts of great worth that we give to other people, but not everyone will treat them with the respect and care that they require. So we need to be cautious with who we give these gifts to, or be confident enough in ourselves and our own worth, that it won’t matter how people respond to being presented with this treasure.

Generosity is risky. It is dangerous. But the depth of relationship and intimacy that can be created through honesty and transparency are worth taking the risks and facing the dangers.

Risky…

Generosity is risky. It costs something when we give, be it our time, money or energy. Beyond that initial cost, what if our generosity is accepted without gratitude, or not accepted at all, or thrown back in our face? Experiencing that sort of rejection can be one of our greatest fears.

Galatians 5:14 reads,

For the whole law can be summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbour as yourself”

This is a huge statement. Essentially it is saying that if ever you were looking for a guideline on how to live this life, then ‘treat others how you want to be treated’ is it. But it carries a level of risk because there is no guarantee that if we treat others how we want to be treated, that we will actually be treated well or loved in return. Our love may not be accepted with appropriate gratitude, or it may not be accepted at all, or even thrown back in our face with spite. So we end up treating people differently to how we want to be treated because we are afraid. Afraid we won’t be loved back, or that we will miss out on good things. In some cases, that fear is based on reality but this behaviour is counter-productive and quickly leads to a downward spiral of hate and distrust.

This fear feeds into how we think about finances and business too.

For many of us when we give money away, it is a sacrifice and it is a deeply personal thing. It’s almost as if we give part of ourselves in the process. If it is not accepted how we would like it to be, or even rejected, we can feel rejected personally. It’s a risk.

Or when people think about business, and getting ahead, often the mentality is that it must come at the cost of someone else. For me to succeed, someone else must fail, and there is a win-lose mentality. But in reality, the opposite is true – real success is when we all do well; when businesses and organisations care for their communities and put the well-being of others before a greater profit. When we all do well the flow on effects create a positive and more stable economic environment and when we honour God by loving our neighbour, He honours us (1st Samuel 2:30). Plus, we can’t forget that when we give generously of our money, time or effort, for the benefit of others, we actually receive the feeling of fulfillment and achievement, and begin to connect with our greater purpose in this life.

Ultimately, If we wish to see improvement in our world, we are required to take a leap and be generous with our treatment of people, to love them before they have had a chance to love us. We know it will cost us time, money and energy, but the alternative to “love your neighbour as yourself” is a response that assumes the worst of people instead of seeking to bring out their best.

Now, if someone is able to help me figure out just how to do that, then that would be great.