I say it audibly multiple times a day.
When I get distracted from something important. “C’mon Kieran”.
When I forget a word that I am trying to think of. “C’mon Kieran”.
When I remember something stupid I did or said 20 years ago. “C’mon Kieran”.
It’s not a nice, encouraging “C’mon Kieran” either. It’s more of a scold, to small child, sometimes followed up with a “Get it together mate” and a disapproving shake of my head.
On my best days I slip in a “You can do this”.
Thank goodness I work in an office by myself.
I can’t be the only one whose most unfriendly, judgemental voice, is their own.
It’s a hard habit to break because it requires rewiring years of behaviour that is so ingrained that I don’t realise it’s happening until I hear myself say the words out loud.
As frustrating as that part is, the most devastating part shows up when I hear that same voice coming from me, speaking to my kids because that is absolutely not how I want to communicate to them.
I want to be encouraging and uplifting with quality boundaries so they can thrive in life. But instead, I just hear “Get it together mate” aimed at little people who don’t deserve that, which makes me feel guilty and the next thing I hear from me is “C’mon Kieran, get it together mate”, followed by a disapproving shake of my head. It’s a vicious cycle.
I’ve always said that self-generosity is hard. It’s a complicated part of the generosity family which, like any part, takes intentional effort. It may be that it is also one of the most important parts of, not only generosity, but also being a person. To be able to give yourself grace for the times you get distracted, or forget a word, or for when you did or said something stupid in the past, will make you a more generous person to those around you.
The key is intentionality. Even after the fact. Recognising that you were doing the best you could with what you had at that time, that it wasn’t perfect, and that you can grow and get better.
For me, I am aiming for more days when my “C’mon Kieran” sounds a little more encouraging in tone and has “you’ve got this” added to the end.
The Generosity Guy 